Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Abaddon]

I order them to torture the prisoners in order to extract information of vital importance to the Empire.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find a way to get out of my cell.

 

[!!!!!]

i use my telepathy to read thoughts and find the "likes and dislikes" of the players so i can bring them together as friends better

 

[Verarde]

Hmmm. I help !!!!! and MythMonster2 out on their quests.

 

[mythmonster2]

Seek readmittance to the medical bay.

 

[civplayah]

I keep bleeding.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I ask her if she'd be willing to go on a second date, despite her lesbian.

15: Charmed by your polity, she assents. You're starting to feel rather confident in your manly charm.

I order them to torture the prisoners in order to extract information of vital importance to the Empire.

20: "By the Emperor, it will be done."
ROLL TO DODGE!
4: Darth Caesar is beaten out of 18 hitpoints, but remains unresponsive.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9: civplayah is beaten out of 10 hitpoints, but refuses to break.
After numerous beatings, a bedraggled man in the furthest cell reveals a bomb has been planted on the ship, with the intention of detonating at port.

I find a way to get out of my cell.

14: You claim explosives expertise, and purport to be able to disarm said bomb.

i use my telepathy to read thoughts and find the "likes and dislikes" of the players so i can bring them together as friends better

6: Someone's got the radio on too loud, and you pick up too much interference.

Hmmm. I help !!!!! and MythMonster2 out on their quests.

20: You turn off the radio. !!!!! is able to divine the motivations of the players and plan accordingly.
Will players kindly provide him with a not-impossible-but-at-least-somewhat-challenging quest to win your allegiance.

Seek readmittance to the medical bay.

11 (12): Tensions having eased somewhat, you're allowed back in.

I keep bleeding.

18: You give a squeeze, shattering what repair your body was managing and increasing the blood flow to -11 hp/turn.
(Hang in there!)

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find the bomb and CUT THE RED WIRE!!!

 

[landlubber]

I give !!!!! the task of finding a way to officially de-lesbianize my new girlfriend, while I take her to the opera.

 

[Abaddon]

!!!!!'s Quest: Get me the job of Captain of this ship, and seat me at the helm

This turns action: I order my men to continue trying to break civplayah and leave me alone with the bedraggled man.

 

[!!!!!]

abaddon there are 5 !'s in my name
ACTION: i start my quest by helping landlubber

 

[Abaddon]

Its not a nod to Terry Pratchett is it?

 

[mythmonster2]

Seek forgiveness from the nurse I hit on.

Also: Quest to !!!!! (If needed, considering we are in a pact): Help me become the greatest doctor of the last decade.

 

[civplayah]

Oh, my gosh! Just when I need a horrible roll, I get a great one!

I heal instantaneously.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I find the bomb and CUT THE RED WIRE!!!

11 (8): Step 1, find the bomb...

I give !!!!! the task of finding a way to officially de-lesbianize my new girlfriend, while I take her to the opera.

4 (5): Everything except the lead is great. The lead makes your ears bleed for -9 hitpoints.

I order my men to continue trying to break civplayah and leave me alone with the bedraggled man.

5: civplayah gets his second wind, and he's pissed.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (5): In a surge of fury, he hurls the two officers into you for 28 damage.

i start my quest by helping landlubber

8: Unfortunately, having taken her to the opera, he hasn't left you the subject of your study.

Seek forgiveness from the nurse I hit on.

15 (16): She makes a corny joke involving blood flow and you become friends.

I heal instantaneously.

19: Your body is so angry it stops bleeding and instantaneously recovers 125 hitpoints. As an added bonus, your Second Wind grants a +3 bonus to combat rolls for three turns.

 

[landlubber]

I return my love to !!!!! so he may de-lesbianize her.

 

[!!!!!]

i copy myself so i can do the quest 2wice as fast

 

[mythmonster2]

Find nearest injured person.

 

[Seon]

I rush out of the darkness of space between spaces where elder gods roam and beat mythmonster and the nurse to death with the cane all the while screaming "I come not in peace, but with a sword! And by that I mean a cane! Now die you ignorant heathens, die, so that humanity will be ready for the coming of Azathoth, where ugh stay here until I get this call from Nyarlathothep. "

 

[Darth Caesar]

I try to eliminate the penalty for me.