Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[landlubber]

I retreat and begin to teach my troops to follow orders.

 

[CivCube]

I hook up my weed to the air ducts.

 

[EnglishCrusader]

I plan to help Terrance escape.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Yeah, it's been a while. I attended a family affair last week and returned to a mountain of paperwork. No promises yet.

"Where is the nearest location of Fancy Feast?"

5: "I have no idea."

I become Minority Leader.

2: Your party's like, twelfth in the house.

I tell the Finns we are sorry for the Winter War

19: You usher in a new era of EGALITARIANISM and MUTUAL BENEFIT between the Finns and the Russkies. In appreciation of your work, you gain a pay raise of +$4/turn.

They made me angrey, which is bad for them because it unlocks my MASSIVE SPIKED TENTACLES OF DEATH, which I will use to penetrate them.

15: You, um, charge the line and make it through.

I head to the library's firing range And learn to defend myself against enemy fire.

8: They're not trying to shoot you!

Using my statesmanship, logical (academia-like) arguments, my knowledge of medicine, and my engineering abilities (to get the acoustics just right), I create a video to add to my campaign of me giving such a powerful and compelling speech about how I will revolutionise the pharmaceutical business with my health care reforms such that not only will the people benefit, the cartels will also benefit by being able to go legitimate and still make a killing by altering the nature of their supplies to medically-needed drugs, that anyone who hears said speech will believe that I should be their leader.

2 (6): It's so unbelievably heavy that you just triggered a migraine in an entire nation.

The Sheik of Dubai flies in much better doctors for me.

13 (14): He can spare a few surgeons to heal you faster (+8 hp/turn).

I take over Iran using SCIENCE!

18 (19): You jump straight to the sociological root of the problem, instilling in the youth a new vision for the future that overthrows the theocrats and establishes a new, democratic government ostensibly sided with you. You collect additional $6/turn oil revenues, although Dubai's been damaged from the war and only provides an 80% research bonus.

I ask the employee's if they have anything that can contact mars.

1: No, but Mars decides to contact you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13: You kick Marvin in the face and flee the store.

I retreat and begin to teach my troops to follow orders.

12: Man, building an army is hard work!

I hook up my weed to the air ducts.

4 (3): Drat, it's one of those external vents. It pumps it into the air outside where it soon diffuses.

I plan to help Terrance escape.

1: "Accessory to crime is a crime itself!"
ROLL TO DODGE!
15: You explain to the passing officer that you've paid to watch Terrance's escapade, while slipping him $30 to smooth over any misunderstandings.

hendo suffers 30 damage from inactivity.

 

[Verarde]

"Are you sure? Think, man! Your town's future is at stake!"

 

[hoplitejoe]

I use the money to rebuild Dubai and the rest of the nation.

 

[landlubber]

I take a quick poll and see if my army thinks they're ready to fight.

 

[Terrance888]

I find somewhere safe to practice my offensive weaponary this alien body provides.

 

[Red_Spy]

I eat some Finnish food.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Using my Engineering ability, I teleport various rebels to the location of the drug cartel leaders such that the rebels are more than happy to end the leadership of the drug distribution networks which are plaguing their country (aka cartel leader executions--I tried the peaceful approach and they got headaches... if it's death that the cartel leaders prefer, it is death that the cartel leaders will experience).

 

[Boundless]

nevermind...

 

[Abaddon]

My prestege means I am given body enhancing nanites while healing in hospital.

 

[CivCube]

I throw up my hands and go to jail.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find a lucky charm

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"Are you sure? Think, man! Your town's future is at stake!"

4: He snaps his fingers as he remembers, but he is interrupted by the ceiling falling on him as one of the Hellcats bursts into the room!
ROLL TO DODGE!
8: Flying debris cuts you for 6 damage.

I use the money to rebuild Dubai and the rest of the nation.

8 (9): It's nowhere near enough to cover the costs.

I take a quick poll and see if my army thinks they're ready to fight.

11: They think they are.

I find somewhere safe to practice my offensive weaponary this alien body provides.

11: You flee the theatre and fall into EnglishCrusader's tunnel network.

I eat some Finnish food.

15: Is delicious! You gain a temporary boost of 25 hitpoints!

Using my Engineering ability, I teleport various rebels to the location of the drug cartel leaders such that the rebels are more than happy to end the leadership of the drug distribution networks which are plaguing their country (aka cartel leader executions--I tried the peaceful approach and they got headaches... if it's death that the cartel leaders prefer, it is death that the cartel leaders will experience).

10 (12): You manage to sting 'em all at once, something the police never had the manpower to do.

My prestege means I am given body enhancing nanites while healing in hospital.

7 (10): The war with the rhinos disrupted the supply.

I throw up my hands and go to jail.

6 (5): "He's trying that kung fu stuff!"
"TAKE HIM DOWN!!"
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (9): You're tackled for 8 damage and cuffed.

I find a lucky charm

16: You find a trinket that boosts all rolls for non-aggressive actions by 2.

 

[Verarde]

I spray Oxiclean into the Hellcat's eye, hoping that the mayor forgot that the eye is its weak point versus Oxiclean.

 

[Red_Spy]

I enroll Skwink's daughter in the best school I can.

 

[Terrance888]

Nonaction: I take a rest and let myself regenerate.

Action: I concentrate on developing my regeneration powers.

 

[landlubber]

We resume our assault.

 

[Abaddon]

By some weird screw up in the time continuum an identical working copy of Darth Caesar's trinket appears in my pocket.