Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Dhoomstriker]

As calmly as a well-practiced nurse, I study some academic medical journals that the cartels had no use for when they apparently ransacked the medical facility and therein find a resolution to the disease afflicting me.

 

[hendo]

I pray to higher powers for a miracle that may save Dhoomstriker from his plight.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Ask a local about my current location, if there are any.

14: You're about twenty kilometres east of Sverdlovsk.

I have him de-curse me.

6 (8): His mana is depleted.

I flee from Big Bill Hell.

7: He's brought one of his crappy used cars to hunt you down.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1: He runs you right over for 30 damage.

I buy the rest of Afghanistan.

7 (8): Destitute as it is, it's still way out of your price range.

I go on national TV and announce the code word to unlock Mexico's sleeper agents to help me take over America.

14: REINFORCEMENTS! Meanwhile, you've still gotta deal with those fighters.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (10): Your jet is buffeted about, and you take 8 damage.

As calmly as a well-practiced nurse, I study some academic medical journals that the cartels had no use for when they apparently ransacked the medical facility and therein find a resolution to the disease afflicting me.

7 (11): You manage to stymie the disease somewhat.

I pray to higher powers for a miracle that may save Dhoomstriker from his plight.

7 (8): You're not an atheist, are you?

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find a mana restoration potion.

 

[Verarde]

I call upon the Circle of the Pitchmen to grant me great abilities and power.

 

[Red_Spy]

Walk to the city.

Also, I assume that is the one in Russia that was renamed to something else, not the Ukrainian one?

 

[Terrance888]

I blow the fighters up with my cold-fusion spacecraft's blasters.

 

[SamSniped]

I also reserve a spot in the next game.

 

[hoplitejoe]

I steal the rest of afghanistan.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I also reserve a spot in the next game.

So do I.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Thanks to the journals helping me to identify the disease, my engineering mentality causes me to further stymie the disease with some duct tape while my nursing ability makes me rip it right off (it will hurt less, I tell myself).

 

[hendo]

Disappointed by my lack of response, I set about disproving the existence of God and any other higher power, with such infallible logic that I might ascend to godhood myself.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Rise, my bretheren. I have returned, never to leave your side again. IOT sought to destroy me, but it has only made me stronger. Today, we march forward into our future, a stronger people, a divine people, enhanced for the RNGoverned World!


The time has come, to claim this forum as our own!

The time has come, to destroy Action Chat!


One Vision! One Purpose!

ROLL! TO! DODGE!!​

I find a mana restoration potion.

3 (8): You acquire a bottle of tonic water.

I call upon the Circle of the Pitchmen to grant me great abilities and power.

15 (18): ADVERTISERS, ASSEMBLE! A thunderous strike batters Bill for 18 damage as you recover your wits.

Walk to the city.

Also, I assume that is the one in Russia that was renamed to something else, not the Ukrainian one?

(Aye, what with Darth Caesar being in literally the USSR, things get a bit muddied. )

15: You hitch-hike to Moscow without further incident.

I blow the fighters up with my cold-fusion spacecraft's blasters.

18: Outmanoeuvring your pursuers, you gain advantage and send them streaking into theAll-American Townships™ below, further complicating the national state of emergency.

I also reserve a spot in the next game.

8: You may or may not have a reserve seat for the next round.

I steal the rest of afghanistan.

7 (8): You can't steal a country, silly.

So do I.

16: You reserve a spot in the next game.

Thanks to the journals helping me to identify the disease, my engineering mentality causes me to further stymie the disease with some duct tape while my nursing ability makes me rip it right off (it will hurt less, I tell myself).

14 (18): It's still not completely halted, but you've managed to stem the worst of it.

Disappointed by my lack of response, I set about disproving the existence of God and any other higher power, with such infallible logic that I might ascend to godhood myself.

5 (6): Your self-righteous antitheism starts to trip up as you try to address the underlying philosophical quandaries of the universe, and you enter an existential crisis that penalizes philosophical actions by 2 points.

 

[Seon]

I make a reappearence by jumping out of a smoke screen.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I aid the Brotherhood of Dodge by creating a biological weapon that targets and kills inactive players.

 

[christos200]

Can I join?

 

[hoplitejoe]

I peacefully bring Afghanistan under the brutal rule of the Rhino Socialist Paradise by regailing stories of my many victories.

 

[Red_Spy]

Now that I'm in Moscow, announce my intent to run for office.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Aile Dhoo summons himself to this realm!

 

[Kinich-Ahau]

I open a portal to Xibalba.