Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[SouthernKing]

With the enemies gone I establish a new government with Momichi as president

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Excellent. Begin perusing the science section to discover the secrets of quantum mechanics, canons, quantum entanglement and so-on.

6 (7): This all goes way, waay over your humble heroic brain. Come to think of it, isn't Intelligence your dump stat? (-1 to academia)

.....I bake the UN apology lasagna instead.

15 (17): Someone that cooks this good certainly can't be evil..! The General Assembly passes a resolution requesting SouthernKing and his rebels to stand down.

Then I realise that this dimension is timelocked! Meaning that no matter how long I spend here, only a couple of turns will have past in the real world! I then dedicate the next however many years into studying quantum mechanics, using my futuristic knowledge to accelerate scientific growth until I can find a way home!

1: Oh, it's time-locked all right, but not the way you'd hoped: whenever the thread in AH.com finally reaches something resembling a conclusion, this round will loooong be over. See you in fifty years.

So they do not fear me? In that case I will charge at and launch myself at one of the guards, strike them with my crowbar as I bring one of them to the ground.

IN SLAYING THESE GUARDS I WILL SACRIFICE THEM TO THE ELDER GODS!

8 (10): They're at the top of a twenty-foot wall, and you don't have a grappling hook.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (9): You take a further 7 damage.

I call for back-up, front-down, and side-arms.

20 (20): You get literally the entire city police to converge on the district. The bandits are arrested, charged, disarmed, and disposed, netting you a small stockpile of weapons in the process.

I keep dancing.

3 (5): You continue your bizarre masochistic conga, injuring yourself for 12 damage and worsening the bleeding by -2 hp/turn.

Enlisting the help of Frank and Sam, I perform medical triage on the six fallen lions and Terrance888 and bring them back to the vicinity of the bacta tank, hoping for a miracle.

6 (8): It'll heal wounds but it can't restore the dead.

I make my way down to the library's armoury, where I load up on ammo supplies.

4: This fixation on ammo is becoming a bona fide addiction. Rolls involving small-arms munitions gain a +1 bonus while all other actions suffer a -2 penalty.

With the enemies gone I establish a new government with Momichi as president

8: Omega has not formally surrendered, and neither can rule while the other survives.

CubeCannon swaps CivGeneral and the Enchanter!

 

[GenMarshall]

I volunteer my time in the soup kitchen of the local veteran's club, hoping to be rewarded with ammo or food for my efforts.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Prey to the Elder Gods for a gift to help me strike down these petty mortals from their walls; be it wall climbing tentacles, a hook-shot like tentacle, a tentacle that shoots acid or anything tentacle like to honour the great Cthululu while I gain the means to strike down these guards!

 

[SouthernKing]

My group instead marches on the UN and launches a coup and Momichi becomes secretary-general

 

[CivCube]

We interrogate the brutes to find out the full extent of the crime network, and more importantly, its weak points.

 

[hoplitejoe]

I keep dancing.

 

[Omega124]

With my victory over the west complete, I build a giant statue of me with the victory lasagna in the capital

 

[Dhoomstriker]

3 (5): *bzzzt* ERROR #does_not_compute >exec my-country-right-or-wrong.lua if tango isRebel and tango ~= isAmerican then probableSedition(tango) return 1

Attlee attacks the ground in frustration due to the Army Captain having gotten away, only to discover and claim the US-military-issued Blackberry and Terrance888's alien medallion, both of which remained when the Army Captain disappeared in a CubeCannon puff of smoke.

 

[gay_Aleks]

Screw that, then. Become a Youtube Sensation! by exposing fake conspiracies, and showing where the real truth is! Also gain lots of $$$, but hey.

Under the handle of EnclaveCynicalIsHere.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I volunteer my time in the soup kitchen of the local veteran's club, hoping to be rewarded with ammo or food for my efforts.

16 (13): In between ladling out to the customers, you sneak some sips yourself, restoring 15 hitpoints.

Prey to the Elder Gods for a gift to help me strike down these petty mortals from their walls; be it wall climbing tentacles, a hook-shot like tentacle, a tentacle that shoots acid or anything tentacle like to honour the great Cthululu while I gain the means to strike down these guards!

3: A true agent of the Great Old Ones does not beg for aid! By their own madness they find the means! You're not an apostate, are you? Meanwhile, the guards gift you another salvo.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6 (8): There goes another 7 hitpoints.

My group instead marches on the UN and launches a coup and Momichi becomes secretary-general

7: There's a bazillion things wrong with this plan, not the least of which is the UN doesn't work that way. What are you, an IOTer?

We interrogate the brutes to find out the full extent of the crime network, and more importantly, its weak points.

11 (12): Apparently though they're mostly in it for themselves, they're sponsored by a faction far removed from Congolese politics.

I keep dancing.

3 (5): Between the pain and the bleeding you're really starting to wear yourself out, suffering -1 strength from fatigue.

With my victory over the west complete, I build a giant statue of me with the victory lasagna in the capital

11: Spending $250 you erect a copper memorial outside the legislature.

Attlee attacks the ground in frustration due to the Army Captain having gotten away, only to discover and claim the US-military-issued Blackberry and Terrance888's alien medallion, both of which remained when the Army Captain disappeared in a CubeCannon puff of smoke.

4 (6): In his aggressive excitement he accidentally breaks both.

Screw that, then. Become a Youtube Sensation! by exposing fake conspiracies, and showing where the real truth is! Also gain lots of $$$, but hey.

Under the handle of EnclaveCynicalIsHere.

12 (14): You earn a per-turn income of $6 from ad revenue.

CubeCannon swaps mythmonster2 and the Lesser Hentaibeast!

 

[Ailedhoo]

Run to the doors of the base and get inside if possible to avoid getting fired at!

 

[Omega124]

Erect? How maleish of you, thor >

I enact femi-communist policies

 

[hoplitejoe]

i stop dancing

 

[Dhoomstriker]

Blackberries and alien medallions are remarkably resilient; he must have found their off switches. Attlee gives them both another swipe, turning them both back on.

 

[GenMarshall]

After my hard work in the kitchen, I take a break in the dining hall of the veterans' club to recover while gazing at the displays of older munitions with rapt attention.

 

[SouthernKing]

Well then I establish a New World Order with Momichi as leader

 

[CivCube]

I announce my campaign for President of the Congo.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Run to the doors of the base and get inside if possible to avoid getting fired at!

19: You barrel right through those mofo doors so hard it actually breaks the wall.

Erect? How maleish of you, thor >

I enact femi-communist policies

4: Forced concentration of the male populace into breeding camps stands at stark odds with Socialist egalitarianism and leads to a split in the party; your ruling faction is rebranded the Venus Party, while the men and moderate women of the APP reorganize as chief opposition.

i stop dancing

20 (20): Realizing you've accomplished bugger all, you go lie down by the bacta tank, recovering your stamina and patching up your wounds.

Blackberries and alien medallions are remarkably resilient; he must have found their off switches. Attlee gives them both another swipe, turning them both back on.

10: Nope, they're definitely in pieces.

After my hard work in the kitchen, I take a break in the dining hall of the veterans' club to recover while gazing at the displays of older munitions with rapt attention.

13 (11): You coast to neutral, no longer losing strength.

Well then I establish a New World Order with Momichi as leader

1: You would think, given the recent split in the APP, reigniting the civil war would play to your advantage, but this time you don't have NATO to back you up.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6: With the government forces no longer battling two fronts, you're expelled from the capital back into the border regions.

I announce my campaign for President of the Congo.

10 (11): Your proven mayoral track record attracts moderate outside attention.

Tolni is declared AWOL.
CubeCannon swaps Lion Attlee and the Man-Eating Rabbit!

 

[CivCube]

I post an update on the Roll to Dodge game I'm running in the city.