So I'm going to be a dad!

[The_J]

If not, what's something you're super glad your parents did, or wish they hadn't done?

I'm glad that the internet didn't exist when I was a kid, because I'd fear my parents would take serious tips from some random lunatics in the .net .







Edit: And congratulations .

 

[Antilogic]

Congrats, man!

Don't overthink it and take it one day at a time. You'll do fine!

 

[AluminumKnight]

You'll never be the same after this.

All I can say is you are in for a crazy ride. I don't really have any tips for you since I believe what works for one parent/child may not work for another. I guess if I had to give some advice it would be this: You can try to prepare all you want, but you will never be truly ready until the child is born. I was so scared because I was terrible with children before my daughter was born; but as soon as she came into the world it was like a switch was flipped and I just instantly knew what I had to do.

I guess the point of all that is try not to worry too much about being a father, because once he/she is born it really will come naturally to you.

I will definitely second this. My son is 20 months old now, and I will always remember holding him moments after the birth. Just a few short months before that, I was afraid to hold my friend's baby, and the whole pregnancy I was terrified that I wouldn't feel comfortable holding my own, but believe me, once he was in my arms, that fear never crossed my mind again.

You might like to set your alarm to go off at random times at night to get used to the inevitable sleepless nights, it's going to be worse than you imagine it will be.

I would not recommend it. Get your sleep now, because unless you're lucky, you're in for some literally sleepless nights.

The only other piece of advice I'll offer to you and your wife is to ignore any advice, especially unsolicited, from people who tell you to do things that go against your own instincts or values. You'll probably find that as soon as the little one arrives that you're suddenly surrounded by self-appointed child rearing experts, many of whom won't have cared for anything more challenging than a chihuahua. Remember, it's your child, you're the experts!

Definitely second this. One thing I've realized is that the "grown-ups" we thought knew everything when we were young really just kind of made it up as they went along.

 

[plarq]

In order to estimate the behavior of the unborn child, I want to know some information about the mother.

 

[Takhisis]

She's a mormon, and she's lucky enough to have married downtown.

 

[downtown]

Thanks for the well wishes everybody!

I worry about a ton of things, but instilling a love of learning, or making sure my child is intellectually stimulated isn't one of them. I was a teacher after all, and I can promise that while I may very well mess everything else up, my kid will have access to books, museum trips, etc.

I've had a few friends suggest the alarm trick, and I might do that once we get a lot farther along. For now, I want to bank as much as possible.

I'm hoping that the "suddenly know what to do" bit about holding kids once its there holds true for me. I've been faking my way through adulthood so far, so why stop now right?

 

[Bamspeedy]

Write a phone number down for a nurse's hotline. Every little fever, runny nose or rash is going to make you want to run to the hospital, and most of the time is unnecessary and expensive, but of course you don't want to assume it's not an emergency, when it might actually be. The calls are either free or way cheaper than a trip to the clinic or emergency room.
I know insurance companies now have nurse hotlines, the one we used was from the hospital. Both potentially have their own motives I guess, but I don't know if there really is any difference.

If you will use a baby book (where you write everything like baby's first word, first trip to the dentist, growth in height/weight, etc), then make sure you are vigilant about filling it out as the events happen, or checking the book once a week. Otherwise you will forget and then have a difficult or impossible time trying to fill in the details later.

 

[madviking]

congrats dt.

come july, i don't we'll be seeing you around much anymore lol

 

[GamezRule]

Congratulations on the new addition to your family!

 

[Farm Boy]

I'm hoping that the "suddenly know what to do" bit about holding kids once its there holds true for me.

It's amazing how much easier that gets to do when there really isn't any choice in the matter. Newborns need to be picked up and carried, and I doubt Mrs. DT is going to be up for it 100% of the time. Congrats, you get to carry the leaky football. It's really not that hard and I was terrified of it.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Of course, if his posts suddenly become filled with creatively-spelled words, we should probably assume he's multitasking (and the baby will be learning about the internet very early)...

 

[_random_]

Sorry I missed this, but congratulations!

 

[MagisterCultuum]

Psalm 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I think you mean Proverbs, not Psalms.

The verse you reference is "But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised by the people."

 

[Leonel]

Holy crap, I'm getting old when forum members are becoming dad's.

 

[ArneHD]

Congratulations, sorry to say though that the only advice I can give you is not to take my advise.

 

[peter grimes]

One thing I've realized is that the "grown-ups" we thought knew everything when we were young really just kind of made it up as they went along.

So true, so true.

If you will use a baby book (where you write everything like baby's first word, first trip to the dentist, growth in height/weight, etc), then make sure you are vigilant about filling it out as the events happen, or checking the book once a week. Otherwise you will forget and then have a difficult or impossible time trying to fill in the details later.

And don't forget to write down the less-than-stellar events too! Like the first time you let the baby roll off of something onto the floor (Yes, it WILL happen, and they will usually be fine), the first diaper that seems to have a will of its own, the first time some unsolicited advice makes you feel like crap, etc.

My advice is going to be more geared towards the early side of things since it's pretty fresh in my mind (daughter came along in January 2013):

1a. Take a good childbirth education class, even if your wife doesn't feel like it's necessary. You will be forced to talk through things that you may not think are relevant or important, but turn out to be. In our case, we were planning a home birth and so we didn't talk at home much about how to handle a hospital scenario, but the class did - and good thing, because we wound up having a C-Section! That experience would have been utterly overwhelming if I hadn't been at least a little familiar with what to expect. We took a Bradley method class even though my wife is a doula.

1b. Consider hiring a doula. Even if your wife doesn't feel she needs one, you will.

2. Books:
What To Expect When You're Expecting
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth

3. Movie:
The Business of Being Born (and the sequel, I suppose)

4. If possible, get a dishwasher. I spend at least 45 minutes a day washing stuff. That's time I *can't* spend with my daughter, time my wife has to watch her. Our landlord won't allow it

5. The diaper changing area should be easily accessible in the middle of the night (in the bedroom or just outside), and get a good diaper pail. The last thing you want to do in the middle of the night is truck all the way to the bathroom or whereever to deal with that stuff. Just dump it close by and clean it up later. We used a cloth diaper service, so it was really easy. But I imagine you can have the same convenience with disposables.

6. Consider co-sleeping. This allows the baby to be safely nearby the mother without the risk of one of you squishing him. It also allows the mother to simply roll over to nurse the kid - after a couple of weeks, she may even be able to do this without waking up! Didn't quite work perfectly for us, but the cosleeping arrangement was awesome.

7. Learn about baby wearing. All a baby wants is to be comfortable, and there are 2 things it needs for that: full belly and proximity to parents. We wore Beatrice for about 90-95% of her waking hours. The other time was spent allowing her "tummy time". This is important for neuro-muscular development. As they get older they need more and more. But in the first few weeks just 5 minutes here and there after feedings is fine.

8. We have worked hard to eliminate paper towel waste from our lifestyle, so we rely on small rags. We have about 40 handkerchief-size rags cut up from old dishtowels. We put stacks of these things all over the apartment to handle milk spills, spit-up, drool, everything. Combined with a water sprayer (like for windex) and they become re-usable cleaning wipes for diapers! Yay Go Hippies!!

9. Ask your friends to set up a meal train for you. You can start by socking away frozen meal elements if you have a chest freezer. Then your friends choose a day on the calendar that they pledge to bring dinner or lunch to you. Only 5 or 6 people signed up for ours hmm but it was SO great to not have to think about shopping or making meals. Just pop it on the stove or in the microwave and you're good to go! Also, seamless.com gift certificates for friends who want to help but don't live nearby - incredibly awesome.

10. When your wife stops working change your allowances on the W-4 to 3 or 4. Nobody tells you this! It's a big deal, because money is going to get super tight no matter how much savings you have. You WILL go through it.

I'll add more if I think of any!

Oh, and good luck to you both! It's very exciting (and scary) and fun (and hard work) and phenomenally rewarding (and exhausting). I haven't gotten more than 6.5 hours of sleep since January, and even then it's rare to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time. I really wish we had done it sooner when I was younger.

 

[Rashiminos]

I'd half-quote the Hitchhiker's guide... "In the beginning _____ was created. This has made a lot of people very ________ and been widely regarded as a ______ move."

 

[IglooDame]

Congrats Downtown (and of course Mrs. Downtown)!!!

My advice is worth less than most - I skipped pretty much all significant fatherhood and went straight to grandfatherhood. Near as I can tell, that's the way to go. But, purely through my powers of observation, I'd offer: Relax. There are a lot of really stupid people having children that grow up and become happy prosperous adults, and if they can manage that, then you're really ahead of the game and have nothing to worry about.

 

[Zelig]

9. Ask your friends to set up a meal train for you. You can start by socking away frozen meal elements if you have a chest freezer. Then your friends choose a day on the calendar that they pledge to bring dinner or lunch to you. Only 5 or 6 people signed up for ours hmm but it was SO great to not have to think about shopping or making meals. Just pop it on the stove or in the microwave and you're good to go! Also, seamless.com gift certificates for friends who want to help but don't live nearby - incredibly awesome.

I think I'll do this one.

 

[Leifmk]

7. Learn about baby wearing.

I was going to post something about this. We've worn both our monkeys extensively and will do same with #3. In addition to being great for the baby and cozy for both it's also very convenient as it leaves both your hands free; I cannot count the number of meals I've cooked with a child strapped to my back, for example. Also a good way of helping a little one get some sleep when he or she is out of sorts.