Will you get married, are you married if either are so, why?

[civ_king]

My mom said it's just tradition that the woman's family finances most of it when I told her what my grandmother said about who provides what.

This is why I think this is a good tradition - the female wants to be the princess, the man just wants to get married.

And lo and behold, it's true - our family forked up 10K for my brother's wedding, the bride? 25K.

---

I can understand some want the date to be special but... good lord. Live within your means.

Especially considering the thing the wedding represents might not even last forever!

That said, it'd be nice if we could curb the divorce rate immensely.

Couples should have counselling before marriage to weed out the ones that will fracture easily,
Over time that should reduce it.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

People should not rush into marriage.

This no sex before marriage business is a big incentive for people to rush into marriage because they can finally get it on.

 

[SuperJay]

OK, I was talking about the relationship, and you're pointing out that marriage is also widely regarded as so feeble that society needs to bolster it with tax concessions.

That's even sadder than my original point, which was somewhat narrower.

Ah, okay - if you're going to be deliberately obtuse here, there's no real point in continuing. I don't know if you really believe that part I bolded above or if you're just being argumentative, but it's irrelevent at this point.

People should not rush into marriage.

This no sex before marriage business is a big incentive for people to rush into marriage because they can finally get it on.

Absolutely. It's a big commitment, but somehow religious traditions try to rush people into it... cuz God said so? Seems a little contradictory to me. I highly recommend that people have sex before marriage.

 

[Tani Coyote]

Couples should have counselling before marriage to weed out the ones that will fracture easily,
Over time that should reduce it.

Never mind actually wait it out for 7 or so years before finally getting engaged as my brother did.

People should not rush into marriage.

This no sex before marriage business is a big incentive for people to rush into marriage because they can finally get it on.

I'm of the opinion "no sex before marriage" should be changed to "please do not recklessly have sex before marriage." Meaning, it no longer has any connotation of morality/eternal damnation or whatnot, merely that you should save it for someone you love.

Indeed. Some people have told me being able to say you gave up your virginity, that perceived purity, to a single person you care about, is actually a pretty undervalued concept.

 

[bathsheba666]

Ah, okay - if you're going to be deliberately obtuse here, there's no real point in continuing. I don't know if you really believe that part I bolded above or if you're just being argumentative, but it's irrelevent at this point.

An interesting contrast with my post #111, where you had similarly mangled the meaning of my earlier post.

Note, I did not then feel the need to label you 'deliberately obtuse' for your misrepresentation.

I'm quite sure, in your case, it wasn't deliberate.

 

[mrt144]

Explain ?!?!?

"Two as one"

 

[Leifmk]

The piece of paper only matters when the relationship ends.

It has nothing to do with love, only with breakdown and conflict.

This is pretty much wrong.

Edit: Although it is certainly important not only when the relationship ends, but also if something goes wrong. Such as one partner falling seriously ill or dying. And if you think that's never going to happen to you you're probably going to have a nasty surprise at some point.

 

[kiwitt]

"Two as one"

Two as one is good.

Happiness Doubled, sorrows halved and all that ...

Having the same goals as opposed to different agendas helps as well as resources can be pulled more easily together to achieve them. This can only happen when you are truly acting as one.

Case in point - our relationship
1) House paid off in 5 years
2) European Tour
3) Performance Car
4) One partner can work part-time if they want (my wife did when she was in her late 30's)
5) Another can retire early if they want (I did in my late 40's)

This is in addition to regular overseas trips.

 

[SuperJay]

An interesting contrast with my post #111, where you had similarly mangled the meaning of my earlier post.

Note, I did not then feel the need to label you 'deliberately obtuse' for your misrepresentation.

I'm quite sure, in your case, it wasn't deliberate.

No, I'm really not out to pick a fight, and I apologize if I've misunderstood your points -but that's a risk you run when you choose not to explain them.

Note that I didn't label you deliberately obtuse, I said "IF you are going to be deliberately obtuse, there's no point in continuing."

Maintaining that "marriage is also widely regarded as so feeble that society needs to bolster it with tax concessions" is certainly a curious viewpoint. Why would a society care about bolstering marriage if it were truly so feeble an institution? Do you think there is any benefit to society in encouraging marriage?

 

[Ataxerxes]

I'm currently married. Have been for over 20 years.

Overall I think it's good. Marriage is still a fundamental in most societies. It does provide stability and makes it harder to just walk out on the temporary bad times.

I do think counseling before marriage is a must. Sometimes people have a very romantic viewpoint of wanting to get married without thinking you've made a commitment to live with this person. It's often easier to love someone than live with them. Love alone isn't enough for a marriage.

The pooling of resources is an advantage. I couldn't live where I live now if I had to do it on my own. Besides, there are a lot of times when it's good to have someone with you who's on your side. Such as when sick or hurt.

 

[PlutonianEmpire]

Now I'm no Casonova, but I've been around the block a few times, and I suspect your internet addiction, your unemployment, the fact you live with your parents, your misogynous comments, and your creepy sexual fetishization of blue people all would be bigger detractors than you being "too nice".

I have a job, and I moved out. I have every reason to be misogynist, and correctly so. It's not my job to satisfy anyone other than my employers and potential employers.

I have every right to be the way I am. If people don't like it, then oh well, life goes on. I will not change for anyone. Not for you, not for CFC'ers, not for my therapist, not for anyone.

If this results in perma-singleness, then so be it. It's not worth the effort to try and change that, based on my observations of people.

 

[Xanikk999]

I would sooner win the mega millions lottery than get married.

By choice I would get married but I don't ever see myself ever getting a woman to want to be with me.

 

[Communisto]

I have every reason to be misogynist,

No, you dont, actually. You have no right.

If this results in perma-singleness, then so be it. It's not worth the effort to try and change that, based on my observations of people.

I dunno man, you should observe some people in pornos, cause that stuffs pretty fun.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Me too!

I suppose you ought to throw me in this boat too.

 

[Mathalamus]

i also have a stubborn refusal to adapt in most cases.

i adapt myself, only if its a really good point, or will serve me well, or do something good to me. i also have to adapt myself when something out of my control happens to me.

so in short, i dont adapt unless i have a good reason to.

 

[Flying Pig]

i adapt myself, only if its a really good point, or will serve me well, or do something good to me. i also have to adapt myself when something out of my control happens to me.

so in short, i dont adapt unless i have a good reason to.

Out of interest why would you want to 'adapt' without a reason to? Adapting by definition means changing to fit the situation, so without a situation to fit... it's English, Jim, but not as we know it

 

[Mathalamus]

i dont need to, but i can if i want. its pretty useful.