Can a long-distance relationship work?

[amadeus]

[snip]

 

[MobBoss]

I ask this as someone who believes they can if both people are willing to put the effort in and make it happen, and as long as it's not necessarily a plane ride to get there to see them. Talking 300 miles or so.
What are your thoughts? I drag this out of one of my previous threads about a personal issue and was interested to see many people were of the same opinion. I'd like to convince them otherwise!

Lets be honest. You can make a long distance romance work regardless of any distance, HOWEVER, it takes a lot (and I mean a lot) of work to make it work, all the while there is a flesh buffet around you.

This means the odds are against you if your going to try this for any real length of time....and the longer it goes, the worse your odds are.

But the good news is its probably easier today than its ever been, with programs like skype that you can talk and actually see each other on a daily basis. That would really help.

 

[Camikaze]

My cousin and his girlfriend live roughly 17000km apart. And it seems to work for them. They Skype each other all the time (despite time zone difficulties). This has been going for a year now and they've done one visit in each direction. The problem would seem to be longevity, I guess. She's moving to within 1000km (but more importantly, ~£50) of him soon, but it's doubtful it would last all that much longer without that.

But I guess the point is that even at such a distance it's still workable.

 

[Boundless]

I think it can work and if it works the bond is even stronger than a close distance relationship

I sort of tend to agree with you there. You make the effort because you want to, and end up fighting harder to see them than you would if you were close, and if you don't, you know you don't want to be in that relationship.

That depends. Are you dating Abaddon?

Yes, yes I am . Luckily, Abaddon can't go in Off-Topic, so he is unlikely to read any of this...

Both my marriages started out as long-distance relationships. I would say that it can work in the short-term, maybe up to 12months or so, but there has to be a clearly shared understanding and goal of one or the other person moving. I've never seen a long-distance relationship hold up when one side or the other thought that it was going to stay long-distance till whenever.

Absolutely. With me, it's that I'm in London for 18 months and THEN will move up north, so it could work... but as you say, it has to be a cleared shared understanding, and that's not the case.

Lets be honest. You can make a long distance romance work regardless of any distance, HOWEVER, it takes a lot (and I mean a lot) of work to make it work, all the while there is a flesh buffet around you.

This means the odds are against you if your going to try this for any real length of time....and the longer it goes, the worse your odds are.

But the good news is its probably easier today than its ever been, with programs like skype that you can talk and actually see each other on a daily basis. That would really help.

I am of the attitude that anything is worth a shot until you can't take it anymore, rather than look back and think, 'why didn't I try?'. But I suppose not everyone shares those attitudes.
Loving the turn of phrase "fresh bucket" though, I'm totally using that

 

[Yeekim]

That is a wrong question.
Much better question is "is it really worth it?"

You don't need to be a couple to have Skype conversations.

 

[Kan' Sharuminar]

Didn't work out for me in my last relationship, and there was just 100 miles between us.

My friend had a long-distance relationship with a girl who lived in London, which is 400 or so miles away. They spent a year using MSN and Skype and what not and visiting when they could, before he moved down to be with her. I'm their best man at their wedding this year

So yeah, it's difficult, but not impossible. And in the above example it was established pretty early on he would be moving down closer to her, so that probably helped their relationship for that first year.

 

[Boundless]

At any rate, it IS possible, it's just very hard, and requires you to be really honest about exactly what you need from the other person. My best friend got married a few weeks ago...he had spent 2 years in Chile on an LDS mission, where he couldn't even CALL his girlfriend (they emailed once a week)...who lived in Chicago. Thousands of miles away, very little contact, but they got through it.

Just re-read this - that's incredible! I don't believe in 'soul mates', but they evidently really are meant to be . Anything is possible I suppose !

 

[azzaman333]

The only way to find out is to attempt it.

 

[kronic]

I'm attempting one right now. It's actually really difficult. We're a good 5.5 hour drive away from each other. Just writing this post about it tugs on my heart strings.

5.5 hours is too long and too expensive.

 

[SuperJay]

Can it? Yes, if it's temporary, if the relationship is long-term and committed, and if there's an end in sight and clear understanding of the expectations on both sides, like Igloo mentioned.

Will it? Maybe. I think Yeekim is right, the real question is "is it worth it?" Because given a few months, that's what you'll both be asking yourselves.

I think it's more likely to work if you start out together (geographically) and one person has to move away for a time, but there IS an end in sight and a plan that both people commit to. Starting out a relationship where you live hours away from the very beginning, and you're just hoping somewhere, eventually, you'll be together... that's going to be a lot tougher to manage in the long-term.

 

[Virote_Considon]

Does the time between being in an arranged marriage with someone and actually marrying them count? Because if so, I'd been in a LDR for years. "Happily" married this spring. I don't know how far the distance was - she was from India, where my family are from.

At least I think that's the case...

You don't need to be a couple to have Skype conversations.

That statement seemed to come out of the blue... Who was it responding to?

(Saint Moses Christ, I'm like Dr. Seuss or something)

All your girlfriends are/were cheating on you.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

This is also true for those of you in non-long-distance relationships as well.

Sorry guys

 

[timtofly]

Does the time between being in an arranged marriage with someone and actually marrying them count? Because if so, I'd been in a LDR for years. "Happily" married this spring. I don't know how far the distance was - she was from India, where my family are from.

At least I think that's the case...


That statement seemed to come out of the blue... Who was it responding to?
(Saint Moses Christ, I'm like Dr. Seuss or something)



This is also true for those of you in non-long-distance relationships as well.

Sorry guys

Being dyslexic: You do not need to have skype conversations to be a couple.

 

[CaptainF]

Never been in one myself but from family/friends who have had them I can say they aren't worth it.

 

[sophie]

Good timing for this thread. I'm attempting a long-distance relationship that's not technically a "relationship" with a girl about 1,800 miles away for the next 2 months or so. We decided we didn't want to be in a "relationship" when we were apart, so technically we're "just friends" and both agreed we could see other people, but neither of us are and we both treat it like we're a couple, even though we aren't in name. It's not fun. I wouldn't recomend it to anyone, but the circumstances made this the only option for us. It's hard, but I guess if you're both willing to work at it, it could work. Especially if you're close enough together that it's feasable to see each other every once in a while.

That's kind of the situation I've been in too. I got together with a girl a week or two before school got out, and then she had to move back down to SoCal for summer, and she didn't really want to be in anything "official" because she didn't really want to deal with that since we hadn't been together for all that long. So even though neither of us really intends on seeing anyone, and we still act like we're in a relationship, we aren't really. I agree with Droopy, definitely not a good idea; not a fun place to be in .

 

[Cutlass]

I'm getting the feeling we need to start a CFC LDR support group...

Yeah, well, my last was from Croatia. Not a lot of way to support over that distance.

 

[GenMarshall]

To ask, what do you consider "long-distance"?

For me, it would be anything beyond the 25-30 mile radius from where I live.

 

[Mathalamus]

To ask, what do you consider "long-distance"?

For me, it would be anything beyond the 25-30 mile radius from where I live.

i consider long distance to be outside of calgary. if i had a car, long distance would be outside Alberta.

 

[sophie]

To ask, what do you consider "long-distance"?

For me, it would be anything beyond the 25-30 mile radius from where I live.

Long distance would be anything for which visiting them on a regular basis is either not possible or else requires a major endeavor to carry out. Living on the other side of town or 30 miles away is not long distance as a simple (inexpensive) bus trip makes visiting easy. Even 50-60 miles would not be bad in my mind. The bus trip would be significantly harder (probably like 15-20 bucks and several hours on the bus or an hour by car), but it's still fairly simple to see them at least once a week barring work. Long distance in my mind is probably anything greater than 100 miles. At that point you're starting to get into the realm of day or road trips and you're thinking Greyhound or Train Trips rather than just metro or county lines.

 

[Yeekim]

That statement seemed to come out of the blue... Who was it responding to?

To Kan´Sharuminar, preemptively. See, I'm a bit of a psychic.

Anyway, Skype/MSN are usually the "medium" of these LDR-s of today, aren't they?

 

[Yoda Power]

I am going to be in one. From August and the next 11 months!

Distance: From Denmark to Austria.
Why I think it will work:
1) We know when it stops.
2) We know when we will see each other = five times during this period.
3) We're both committed to getting it to work. She understands why I'm leaving.