Comedy Improv One-Liner Contest Thread, Parto Uno:

[Flying Pig]

My boss is like an analog clock - old, but I understand him

 

[choxorn]

My boss is like an analog clock: Has nothing but a blank face and hands.

 

[Narz]

My boss is like an analog clock : He makes the rounds but doesn't do much else.

 

[Mise]

You know I think Narz should win some sort of prize for consistently making me chuckle

 

[Virote_Considon]

My boss is like an analog clock - I'm pretty sure neither are sentient objects.

 

[Fr8monkey]

You know, Narz does make me chuckle... DING!DING! Narz Is da winna'!

BTW, Narz, that is about what I was going to post.

 

[Narz]

Thanks guys!

I like my teachers like I like my escorts.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

I like my teachers like I like my escorts: dispensing hard lessons with a gun.

 

[iamwlrs4]

I like my teachers like I like my escorts: lying on the ground with juicy blood gushing from their tender flesh.

 

[choxorn]

I like my teachers like I like my escorts: getting me where I need to go, no matter how much crap I give them.

 

[member66170]

I like my teachers like I like my escorts: not charging extra for private lessons after dark .

 

[StarWorms]

I like my teachers like I like my escorts: low cut top, large rack, and bending over my desk to speak to me

 

[Narz]

hmm, it's been over a day, I'll give it to iamwlrs4 for shock value (his also goes well with his avatar for some reason - the idea of a smug looking Abe Lincoln hacking hookers & teachers to death ).

wlrs, Europe!

Spoiler :

you're up

 

[iamwlrs4]

I guess being disgusting is a winning formula!

I like my assassins like I like my rubber ducks:

 

[choxorn]

I like my assassins like I like my rubber ducks: They look cute and cuddly, but they're really 100% Evil.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

I like my assassins like I like my rubber ducks: emotionless facsimiles of the very creature they share the same form with.

 

[Flying Pig]

Ruthless, brutal and lethal

 

[warpus]

I like my assassins like I like my rubber ducks: in the bathtub with me

 

[KaiserElectric]

I like my assassins like I like my rubber ducks: floating in the bathtub.

 

[StarWorms]

I like my assassins like I like my rubber duck: Harmless on the outside, but harbour dangerous weapons and explosives.