Dating Advice (from Random Rants 93)

[sophie]

As I said above, the relationship's on the verge of collapse. This could be my chance!

In that case I would revert to point 1: if you like someone then you should ask them out.

And you do you, but I would probably leave the sonnet until you’ve had a couple of dates and decided you, y’know, actually vibe with her.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

There actually were a couple of "how do I get a girlfriend" threads some years ago... maybe one of them could be bumped (though they're probably about 10 years old or so).

 

[Narz]

#1 : don't be needy (this is more important than any other rules you could ever read combined)

#2 : focus on yourself, you're the party, if she wants to join your party, cool, if not just keep doing you

#3 : have high self regard, no matter what level of infatuation you have if the girl starts acting up walk away, this will differentiate you from 90% of thirsty guys, like males girls like a challenge, if you're placid and boring and give her validation for free there's nothing there for her

#4 : you like her, to win her affection feels like a win, right? Well you have to make her feel like to win your affection is a win for her. If she's just dating you cuz meh why not it's not much a relationship and she'll move on quickly to a guy that feels like more of a win for her

 

[JollyRoger]

The easiest way to attract a potential girlfriend is to already have a girlfriend.

 

[Zardnaar]

If she has someone else even if it's falling apart avoid. Give her time to sort it out one way or another then wait a bit if they do break up.

Worst she will do is say no.

Get involved it makes a mess even a bigger mess, more drama and increases the chances of broken heart or punched in the face.

 

[sophie]

Ordinarily I would agree, but per op the girl has been on one movie date. No offense, but yall are 13. None of this means too too much in the grand scheme of things. Shoot your shot, and, critically, earnestly accept whatever answer she gives you.

If you come out of eighth grade learning how to be earnest, how to express your feelings, and communicate your wants directly and without getting stuck in dopey kid love mindfudgs, you’re gonna be ahead of the curve heading into high school, honestly.

And don’t worry about being a nerd. Nerds are cute! Just don’t be weird. Ask questions. Listen. Communicate your needs up front and don’t be a doormat. Someone who is nervous and timid but asks is way more attractive than a confident ass who assumes and takes.

 

[Farm Boy]

I'd start with a conversation about TV shows and movies. The Sonnet From The Portuguese No. 43 is way too heavy handed for a girl you do not know.

That sonnet end like so:
...I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

You're 13, and that sonnet is not about middle school infatuation.

Lol, yes. Not this one. At 13, God willing you are in the happy Carpe Diem part of Shakespeare's poetry. Leave that one to insane old codgers. Or at least closer to a proposal.

 

[Ajidica]

Oh wait, you're 13?
Then the simplest answer answer is to remember to wear deodorant, skip the cologne or body spray, act like you want to be with her, and don't spend the whole date staring at her breasts.

 

[lymond]

^^^I don't think there is any better advice than Ajidica's above ....that last bit being the hardest, but learn control while you are young, grasshoppa.

Also, make 'em laugh. Girls like a dude who can make them laugh.

 

[Aiken_Drumn]

There definitely was a hilarious dating thread. Can anyone remember it? "There's a girl on my bus" or something?

 

[Caesar of Bread]

There definitely was a hilarious dating thread. Can anyone remember it? "There's a girl on my bus" or something?

Well, she's on my track team, in my history class, and in my advisory.

 

[Narz]

Track girl, nice

 

[Caesar of Bread]

Track girl, nice

I like her because of her personality, not because of her physical looks (though she is a 10)

 

[Farm Boy]

Sorry, getting philosophical: but you started it with the heavy hitter poem.

There are no 10s. There are only 9s that are right for you.

 

[sophie]

Numbers are cringe. Protip: don’t reduce people to numbers.

 

[Caesar of Bread]

The story behind how I first realized I was attracted to her:
It was an October Saturday. I was attending a rehearsal for the school musical when she came up to me. I was in the gymnasium (with everyone else), reading Erich Marie Remarque's All Quiet On The Western Front (I was reading the book because I love to read and I was doing so for Quiz Bowl, as I am the best on the team.) She was sitting right next to me on the bleachers, talking to her friends. The girl gave off good vibes to me and let me talk to her friend group, too. When it was time for a lunch break, I decided to go to the piano (as I love to play the piano, although am not good at it). She was there with some of her friends, and the girl decided to play the piano and sing a song that she made up. It was beautiful, and her voice sounded like an angel from heaven. If I was Dante, she was my Beatrice (I also have read The Divine Comedy. I read it in 5th grade and again in 7th). In JFK's words about Marilyn Monroe, "She was mindblowing". When I came home, I realized that I loved her.

 

[RobAnybody]

Think of it as practice for your next romantic adventure.

I think this is the best advice, especially at your age. Not that you literally have to think of her as "practice", but anytime you're deciding what to do, think of yourself that way. Basically: "What would I do in this situation if I didn't actually 'like' her & she was just random person I was having a fun conversation with?" The reason I say that is that you'll wind up inadvertently following the best advice already given - you won't appear needy & you'll appear confident & interesting (because you'll just be yourself without realizing it).

Treat this experience like you (probably) do homework - follow the proper steps: show interest, have conversations, ask her about herself & what she's enjoys... & then when you see an obvious opportunity ask to do something just the two of you to spend some more time together. But don't let your emotions override your logic - that's likely to be your biggest obstacle because you'll be nervous if you do.

I remember at that age I was perfectly able to be funny, likeable, etc. - basically be myself - around pretty much anyone I was *not* romantically interested in. But around a girl I was interested in, I would get quiet, & nervous, & awkward - basically *not* being myself. So it's best to try to, even artificially, remove your emotions from the equation & come at it like an exercise, or a problem to solve. I was nerdy, too. The biggest hurdle I wish I'd been able to overcome back then was my own emotional fear of failure & just act like myself.

 

[Caesar of Bread]

Tomorrow, I'm going to sit at her table during lunchtime.

 

[Narz]

I like her because of her personality, not because of her physical looks (though she is a 10)

I wasn't saying a track girl is necessarily physically attractive but it shows she cares about her health and is fit plus track is really fun. I did it @ 14 until I dropped out of school.

When I came home, I realized that I loved her.

I'd wouldn't jump staight to the L word but it sounds like a lovely experience

 

[Qactus]

Tomorrow, I'm going to sit at her table during lunchtime.