excuses racists use (particularly with dating)

[BvBPL]

I agree. But that's not the issue, it's the explicit formulation: "I only date X race".

The problem comes when you enact a personal Jim Crow, draw a line and say "I only date people who meet X racial requirements". That's racism, that is an explicit policy of racial discrimination, and that's a choice that somebody makes and can therefore be held accountable for.

I only presume people are racist if they actually say a racist thing. If someone is a closet racist, I have no way to know.

It is only racist if they say it.

So if they make up an lie and say "I wouldn't date you because I am still getting over my last relationship," or if they just don't call you then it isn't racist.

Giving voice to one's preferences makes suddenly changes the equation.

 

[Narz]

But yes, I am the "the REAL monster" (I'd honestly be surprised if you don't get infracted for that flame) for calling out blatant racist comments when I see them.

I don't think anyone's saying you're a monster.

Plenty of people are shallow, not gonna like you or both (some people even don't like me ), what can you do. Let 'em screw their white boys & find someone who loves you for you. Plenty of white girls like exotic guys. I knew a tall, hot, fit, yoga-addicted blonde chick who almost always dated Asian men.

 

[Commodore]

Firstly I do not cry out (or even remotely suspect) "racism" every time a white girl rejects me. They have to go out of their way to specifically mention race themselves. If they don't mention race, I don't think they're racist. I only presume people are racist if they actually say a racist thing. If someone is a closet racist, I have no way to know.

But yes, I am the "the REAL monster" (I'd honestly be surprised if you don't get infracted for that flame) for calling out blatant racist comments when I see them.

Knock yourself out.

And again, "old fashioned" or "the way I was raised" is hardly the same thing as "non-white guys tend to not look hot to me". I'm honestly astonished that either you all are racists yourselves, or you lack the ability to read.

I read your OP just fine. You were rejected by a white woman because you weren't white. I get that. I also get that it probably stings quite a bit to be rejected because of your race. But that does not mean you get to advocate for shaming a person for rejecting you romantically because you don't meet her racial preferences for a romantic partner. I happen to be of the belief that one can be as racist or otherwise discriminatory as they want when it comes to matters solely involving their personal life. Why? Because a personal life is just that, personal. One's personal life should not be forcibly influenced by any political or social agenda, no matter how 'noble' that agenda may seem.

 

[caketastydelish]

It is only racist if they say it.

So if they make up an lie and say "I wouldn't date you because I am still getting over my last relationship," or if they just don't call you then it isn't racist.

Giving voice to one's preferences makes suddenly changes the equation.

Right... hence why I'm specifically complaining about girls who explicitly go out of their way to mention race during a rejection. I honestly am baffled that this is so hard to understand, although since white guys (99% of this forum) are rejected based off race on a frequency far less than any other, that possibly explains why you simply cannot believe (or understand) the extent to which this actually happens.

 

[Commodore]

Right... hence why I'm specifically complaining about girls who explicitly go out of their way to mention race during a rejection. I honestly am baffled that this is so hard to understand, although since white guys (99% of this forum) are rejected based off race on a frequency far less than any other, that possibly explains why you simply cannot believe (or understand) the extent to which this actually happens.

Please stop insulting the intelligence of this entire forum. We understand what you are saying perfectly fine. It's just that this "issue" isn't really an issue at all. If a woman wants to reject you because of your race that is her prerogative and you have absolutely zero basis or justification to "call her out" on it. And if they are honest with you and tell you it's because of your race, that's actually a good thing in my opinion. I don't know about you, but I can tolerate a racist much more than I can tolerate a liar.

 

[caketastydelish]

That's a good point. They may be racist idiots, but at least honest ones. Take what you can get.

And with that, I request this thread be locked, I was the idiot this whole time. I apologize for criticizing racists for being racist.

edit: To be more specific, it's that this "I'm not racist but".... "racist" nonsense. You know, they center of gravity is so skewed that they don't even *realize* what they're saying is actually racist. That's the real problem here, and really says something doesn't it? But never mind. This thread obviously didn't work out. No one wants to admit they're racist, even while saying a racist thing, and they *genuinely* don't believe they're racist for an actively racist belief, because they think anything short of "kill all blacks" can't be racist.

 

[JollyRoger]

Sexuality and race are two completely different subjects, we've been over this before.

How about addressing the ageist point then. Let's say eight 80 year olds responded to your profile. How many would you consider dating? Is there a common reason you would reject them all? Does that make you an ageist or just exercising your preference in a romantic partner?

 

[caketastydelish]

I am openly ageist but not racist... particularly because age has an actual biological difference on people which race doesn't.

edit: Again. If a professional sports team didn't allow blacks there would probably be an uproar, if they didn't allow 80 year olds, probably not.

 

[Commodore]

I am openly ageist but not racist... particularly because age has an actual biological difference on people which race doesn't.

But why should that matter? The woman/women who rejected you did so because you weren't white and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. That is their preference, and regardless of the reason, you need to respect that preference. They are not violating your rights in any way by rejecting you because of the color of your skin, but you are violating their rights if you choose to confront them about it.

 

[plarq]

I am openly ageist but not racist... particularly because age has an actual biological difference on people which race doesn't.

edit: Again. If a professional sports team didn't allow blacks there would probably be an uproar, if they didn't allow 80 year olds, probably not.

If you allow older woman in your life, you will be labelled cougar hunters. Anyway, discrimination is everywhere.

 

[JollyRoger]

I am openly ageist but not racist... particularly because age has an actual biological difference on people which race doesn't.

edit: Again. If a professional sports team didn't allow blacks there would probably be an uproar, if they didn't allow 80 year olds, probably not.

If the Seahawks roster was all women, you would be in an uproar.

 

[_random_]

I feel like age is more of a factor in dating because it's often indicative of general maturity and common experience/place in life. Not that there are no exceptions there or that I would never make one, but I generally feel like ageism, if you want to call it that, is probably more justifiable than racism in this arena. And I'm inclined to agree that a moratorium on dating people of a certain race is kind of racist. Occasionally I'll call out girls on dating sites who are very insistent that they only date white men for being racist. And I'm white. Maybe I've wasted some opportunities there, but I feel like I wouldn't get along with people like that, you know?

 

[caketastydelish]

If the Seahawks roster was all women, you would be in an uproar.

Yes, a persons gender has a biological difference which race doesn't... men are physically stronger than women, but whites/blacks are no stronger than each other.

 

[Commodore]

Yes, a persons gender has a biological difference which race doesn't... men are physically stronger than women, but whites/blacks are no stronger than each other.

I'm pretty sure we all agree with that statement, but....your point?

 

[caketastydelish]

I'm pretty sure we all agree with that statement, but....your point?

So "I bet you'd be mad if your favorite team had women in a physically demanding sport in a male dominated league, hypocrite haahaha!" is stupid thing to say.

 

[JollyRoger]

Yes, a persons gender has a biological difference which race doesn't... men are physically stronger than women, but whites/blacks are no stronger than each other.

Then explain the racial makeup of the typical football roster.

 

[Commodore]

So "I bet you'd be mad if your favorite team had women in a physically demanding sport in a male dominated league, hypocrite haahaha!" is stupid thing to say.

Ah, you hadn't quoted that post yet when I responded. Now it makes a lot more sense.

 

[caketastydelish]

Then explain the racial makeup of the typical football roster.

Cultural factors, and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if there's some amount of racism there to, although in a more discrete way.

American culture tells black men that they can't make it in the corporate world (and the corporate world itself actively discriminates against black men), and thus they feel that things like either the NFL, NBA or rapping is their only way of "making" it. There is simply a smaller pool of whites playing football even at the highschool level, thus there are also going to be less of them making it to the top. Whites are probably less interested in things like football, basketball, etc because they aren't systematically oppressed in other parts of society (whereas blacks are), thus they don't feel the need to work their butt of to be the best football or basketball player while growing up as a kid.

On the other hand even *then* we make sure the best positions are given to whites, just as we do in so many other areas of society. The team may mostly be black but the Owner, the Coach and even the Quarterback is almost always white.

 

[JollyRoger]

Cultural factors, and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if there's some amount of racism there to, although in a more discrete way.

American culture tells black men that they can't make it in the corporate world (and the corporate world itself actively discriminates against black men), and thus they feel that things like either the NFL, NBA or rapping is their only way of "making" it. There is simply a smaller pool of whites playing football even at the highschool level, thus there are also going to be less of them making it to the top. Whites are probably less interested in things like football, basketball, etc because they aren't systematically oppressed in other parts of society (whereas blacks are), thus they don't feel the need to work their butt of to be the best football or basketball player while growing up as a kid.

On the other hand even *then* we make sure the best positions are given to whites, just as we do in so many other areas of society. The team may mostly be black but the Owner, the Coach and even the Quarterback is almost always white.

So blacks excel not because they are stronger but excel because of racewide misperceptions about the number of corporate jobs available? What is your explanation for the lack of those of East African descent playing in the NFL?

 

[caketastydelish]

... because football is almost exclusively played by Americans, and there are hardly any Americans of eastern African descent? The vast majority of black America descends of black slaves, which come from western Africa.