If you have nothing nice to say...

[JonBonham]

Would you say it or keep quiet to avoid hurting people's feelings? What if the people in question is family, and speaking your mind would cause alienation, though keeping quiet also causes alienation due to a lack of communication? What if it's about the way they live their life but it's nothing that is life-threatening? What if their attitude makes you feel repulsive being around them? That even if they are happy/friendly/jovial towards you you have nothing but ill feeling towards them and can't even make small talk conversation because you just have negative things about them to say?

Go.

 

[Lord Gay]

If you dislike somebody and their actions, avoid them.

If you can't avoid them, minimize association, but remain civil. (civil =/= polite)

If and only if your opinion is asked, BY THEM, should you share your negative views on their life. In doing so, indicate your dislike, but don't take this as an opportunity to launch into a half hour tirade on how disgusting and repulsive you find them. Once you've indicated that you dislike them, it will at least let them understand why you keep avoiding them. Let them know, but don't harp on it.

Bear in mind that whatever you may think of other people's lives, it is THEIR life, not yours. Remember that: their life, not yours. Repeat that to yourself as many times as necessary. If you ever feel the urge overwhelming you to tell somebody just how utterly disgusting and repulsive you find them, be sure to sign up for a put-me-down class first, where you stand in a room, immobile, while people tell YOU how disgusting and repulsive you and your life are for hours and hours and hours....

Once you've gone through that, consider again just how justified you are in telling somebody else how disgusting they are.

 

[GhostWriter16]

You can criticize a specific aspect of someone's life without being mean to them personally.

To which I say, if I know someone is living in sin, I am absolutely going to confront them on it, assuming I am not in the same sin myself (By the same standard, you will be judged) and I feel that God would want me to do so.

 

[shadowplay]

Say nothing and avoid confrontation. If confrontation finds you, then be stoical or even completely silent. Remember that it takes two to tango.

 

[JonBonham]

For the whole avoiding part, what if they want your company and you are already hurting them by avoiding them? The saying nothing and being completely silence is also damaging in a way.

What if the aspect you want to criticize is everything, from their personality and attitude to the way they treat other people or behave differently around you and their interactions with the people closest in their lives? Again, none of it being actually abusive physically or emotionally, and maybe not damaging in a profound way but still damaging to themselves and those around them if only in their relationships with eachother and perhaps people in general.

 

[shadowplay]

What if the aspect you want to criticize is everything, from their personality and attitude to the way they treat other people or behave differently around you and their interactions with the people closest in their lives? Again, none of it being actually abusive physically or emotionally, and maybe not damaging in a profound way but still damaging to themselves and those around them if only in their relationships with eachother and perhaps people in general.

Then it's something they're going to have to figure out on their own. It's a part of maturing.

 

[Lord Gay]

If they want to associate with you and have no clue that you dislike them so, then I think you need to give them SOME kind of clue how you feel, while doing so tactfully.

It's hard to give answers though with the vague info you've provided. A vague question will get vague answers.

 

[Borachio]

Great OP! Simple answer for simple person (me).

Show by example, not by word.

Hard to do, I know.

Maintain contact.

Always leave an open door behind you. Yes?....No?

edit: oh, and perhaps most important, always be ready to acknowledge you have had it completely wrong all along. otherwise you (i.e. me) could wind up looking really stupid.

 

[emzie]

I keep my mouth shut unless the person has gone too far, or their actions are impacting me or others negatively.

You can criticize a specific aspect of someone's life without being mean to them personally.

To which I say, if I know someone is living in sin, I am absolutely going to confront them on it, assuming I am not in the same sin myself (By the same standard, you will be judged) and I feel that God would want me to do so.

Well that's a quick way to make sure you have no temptations. Without friends, you won't face peer pressure!

 

[Borachio]

@contre sig: "What would it take to prove your belief wrong?"

To make me doubt my beliefs takes a bit of a shock.

e.g. I might say in all seriousness to someone's opinion I respect, why oh why do people hate ice cream (as an absurd instance)? And the other person to say, well that's the sort of stupid remark we've come to expect from you.

To convince me that liking ice cream is a good idea, requires a) that I doubt my previous belief, b) that I seriously examine the issue without preconception.

Is this what you mean?

 

[Terxpahseyton]

If you dislike somebody and their actions, avoid them.

If you can't avoid them, minimize association, but remain civil. (civil =/= polite)

If and only if your opinion is asked, BY THEM, should you share your negative views on their life. In doing so, indicate your dislike, but don't take this as an opportunity to launch into a half hour tirade on how disgusting and repulsive you find them. Once you've indicated that you dislike them, it will at least let them understand why you keep avoiding them. Let them know, but don't harp on it.

Bear in mind that whatever you may think of other people's lives, it is THEIR life, not yours. Remember that: their life, not yours. Repeat that to yourself as many times as necessary. If you ever feel the urge overwhelming you to tell somebody just how utterly disgusting and repulsive you find them, be sure to sign up for a put-me-down class first, where you stand in a room, immobile, while people tell YOU how disgusting and repulsive you and your life are for hours and hours and hours....

Once you've gone through that, consider again just how justified you are in telling somebody else how disgusting they are.

Jesus there are ways to criticize a lifestyle other than "Freaking fagy!"

 

[Borachio]

Look what I've found:

"e patterns, be examples ... wherever you come; that your life and conduct may preach among all sorts of people, and to them. Then you will come to walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God in every one; whereby in them ye may be a blessing, and make the witness of God in them to bless you ..." -- George Fox
"There is a principle which is pure, placed in the human mind, which in different places and ages hath different names: it is, however, pure and proceeds from God. It is deep and inward, confined to no form of religion nor excluded from any, where the heart stands in perfect sincerity." -- John Woolman
"The humble, meek, merciful, just, pious, and devout souls are everywhere of one religion, and when death takes off the mask, they will know one another though the diverse liveries they wear here make them strangers." -- William Penn

You know, I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this; but there, I do think it deserves serious consideration.

PS don't know what the previous poster means, really. Perhaps he would be so kind as to explain.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

Would you say it or keep quiet to avoid hurting people's feelings?.

If keeping quiet is ones default position and saying it the exception , there is a good chance one is not a dick .

 

[ParadigmShifter]

You can criticize a specific aspect of someone's life without being mean to them personally.

To which I say, if I know someone is living in sin, I am absolutely going to confront them on it, assuming I am not in the same sin myself (By the same standard, you will be judged) and I feel that God would want me to do so.

What if God thought you were doing more damage to the image of Christians in the world than by just keeping your mouth shut?

 

[Silurian]

You can criticize a specific aspect of someone's life without being mean to them personally.

To which I say, if I know someone is living in sin, I am absolutely going to confront them on it, assuming I am not in the same sin myself (By the same standard, you will be judged) and I feel that God would want me to do so.

I assume that you would be happy to be confronted yourself by someone with different beliefs.

 

[Lord Gay]

Not just confronting, but disparaging them. Because we all love people coming up and telling us how much THEY think OUR life sucks.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

If I see no benefit to reveal my disgust openly, I don't do it. But, I am often tempted. Most of the time, there is no benefit in confrontation. Unless you are in a position of authority over someone, or you're ready to throw fists, it's not wise to do it.

 

[GhostWriter16]

Well that's a quick way to make sure you have no temptations. Without friends, you won't face peer pressure!

That does depend. I should also state that we're supposed to be much more critical of fellow believers than to everyone else. I can provide proof of the fact if you would like.

 

[useless]

Have you ever thought that nobody wants to hear (nor do they care about your) views on homosexuality, Dommy?

There's a fine level between "helping " (which objectively you are not) and harassing someone because of their sexuality.

 

[GhostWriter16]

Have you ever thought that nobody wants to hear (nor do they care about your) views on homosexuality, Dommy?

There's a fine level between "helping " (which objectively you are not) and harassing someone because of their sexuality.

Who said I was even talking about homosexuality?

You assume way too freakin' much. Leave me alone, and I'll leave your sacred cow alone.