Roll To Dodge: Let's Run This Into The Ground

Oh, that's fine, just ignore my post, that's okay.

You weren't ignored, I just goofed and didn't put your quote in. You were the guy hit by the deranged mechanic.
 
I replace landlubber's cooker with the cheapest, tackiest stove on offer, and cover the rest of his Sim house in rugs and other easily-flammable gubbins.
 
I teach my polar bear how to spread the news of my glory to the other ignorant animals.
 
I lick civplayah on his cheek.

(18) Civplayah is quite tasty, and you gain an additional 10 hp

I continue psychoanalysis.

(7) You don't discover anyone else yet.

I look for a mall to hid in.

(20) You run into a mall, and are greeted by showers of confetti. "Congratulations, sir!" says a mall cop. "You are our one millionth guest! You win this fabulous prize!" You win a solid gold horseshoe. The horse shoe will automaticly reroll your next roll until you get an 11 or higher. It can only be used for one turn, after which it will vanish. It will not be consumed if you get a positive roll on the first try.

No order.

Shame on you.

I enrole at magic school.

(19) You were accepted! You have magical abilities now, but they are not easy to perform yet. (Magic actions may get a negative rtd penalty). Keep performing magic to graduate and remove the negative bonus.

Making sandwiches...

Om nom nom.

I replace landlubber's cooker with the cheapest, tackiest stove on offer, and cover the rest of his Sim house in rugs and other easily-flammable gubbins.

(1) You try to move the flammable objects to the kitchen, but you stand too close to the fireplace!

OUCH! OUCH! FIRE! FIRE! IT BUUUUUUUUURNS!
(You lose 10 hp until you put out out the fire or until you lose 100 hp total.)

I teach my polar bear how to spread the news of my glory to the other ignorant animals.

(5) A couple of penguins are rather touchy and beat your propaganda polar bear. He is immobilized this turn.

I look for a weapons cache.

(16) You stumble upon an abandoned pawn shop. You snatch a clip for your gun before the aged broker chases you off.

I go to a weapons' store and search for a weapon.

(8) You smash the window of a gun shop, but the alarm sounds inside the store. You hear sirens in the distance.

Painis is left in the dust as Reiser runs into the mall.

The Cloud of Ick begins to drift in Mango Elephant's direction.

The Conscript takes out a bottle of vodka and waits for the Red Army to arrive.

Resier gets a call from the police. "We have a break-in at the gun shop! Go down there and arrest the perp!"
 
Too late! Using the quickness as all police cops do, I get in my cruiser and try to run over DroopyTofu.
 
I find a manhole and hide in the sewer so I don't get ran over.
 
Using my magic I cast ICE on cath... Stopping the fire, but encasing him in a block of ice!
 
No order.

Don't make me spank you.

I continue psychoanalysis.

(6) "Curse my foul luck!" You cry bitterly.

Too late! Using the quickness as all police cops do, I get in my cruiser and try to run over DroopyTofu.

(4) REROLL
(9) REROLL
(13) You give DroopyTofu a tire tracks tattoo. 10 damage.
Your horseshoe vanishes in a puff of logic.

I send my Flying Magic Negator to the mall, with me behind it, also going to the mall, to prevent the horseshoe from activating.

(16) You fly to the mall, but the device backfires before you deactivate the horseshoe. Thankfully, you were paying attention, and it misses you and ricochets off of Reiser's kneecaps for 8 damage.

Using my magic I cast ICE on cath... Stopping the fire, but encasing him in a block of ice!

(12) You cast an ice spell on Catharsis. He isn't frozen entirely, but there is a 1/3 chance that he will be too frozen to perform an action. The ice effect will last for 8 turns, or until he thaws himself out manually. The fire effect is removed.

Occupied...

You finish the sandwiches. You now have 8 grilled cheese sandwiches.

I mock the fire.

(10) "Ha! You foolish flames! I am immortal!" You feel intimidating.

I take revenge on one of the penguins to intimidate the others into submission.

(15) You commit heinous acts on the local wildlife. The penguins apologize and send you two penguins to help you.

I crack the neck of the conscript.

(11) You don't do it correctly, but you still knock him out for one turn.

I find a manhole and hide in the sewer so I don't get ran over.

(5) You drop the manhole cover on your big toe for 4 points of damage.

Painis stares at Darth Caesar hungrily.

The Cloud of Ick is uncomfortably close to Mango Elephant.

The truck in the middle of the town starts leaking toxic gas. In three turns, everyone in the city will be irradiated.
 
I grab the conscripts bullets and delever a single shot to his head.
 
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