Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[civplayah]

I finish off Killfire.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I fire every weapon I can in the general direction of TheLastOne to remove his remaining HP.

9: Only a few errant shots graze his left arm.

After failing to fly, the moose run like hell, hopefully outpacing the deranged mythmonster.

5: You run into oncoming traffic.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10: Your moosely mass absorbs most of the impact, and you take only 3 damage.

My superhorse gives one dieing wish to me, to give up his remaining energy and heal me back to full health, and then some. (Basically heal me to full health and add some extra base health to me(That extra base health is my horse's health))

19: Super Horse sacrifices himself, and you are healed to a net total of 125 hp.
Talk about a second wind.

I hit TLO with an energy blast.

18 (20): You beat your foe back down to 65 hitpoints.
Talk about irony.

But I do fuel my now-operational timecar with the unobtanium, heading out on a highway towards the Arizona desert to achieve the requisite speed and travel to Odessa in the present day.

6: As you cruise through the desert, you hear the engine sputter for lack of fuel.

I dig a tunnel out of my cell with cutlery, and I end up in a distant land.

3: The guards notice you scrape away a pebble, and decide you need a little shock therapy.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12: You manage to force them out of your cell.

I forge an item that automatically heals me.

12: You erect a portable dispenser that will heal you 2 hitpoints every turn.

Attack Abaddon in an epic vampire vs. demon fight that will be retold throughout the millenia.

14: You enter into a not inconsequential battle that transfers 14 of his hitpoints to your own.

I create Quick Man from Mega Man 2, Roy from Fire Emblem 6, Kirby from Kirby, and Mewtwo and a Snover from Pokémon, hoping that the villans (Quick Man, Mewtwo) Get along with the heroes (Roy, Kirby, Snover).

4: The immediately enter into a fight.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11: They kill each other, but you manage to stay clear of the battle.

I finish off Killfire.

10: You fail to inflict damage.

The Keres, sensing impending death, attempt to hasten the decline of TheLastOne36.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10: TheLastOne36 is drained of 10 hitpoints.

With no response from the National Guard, the Air Force calls in an airstrike on tuxedohamm.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2: A strafing run by Apache gunships blows away 40 hp.

 

[choxorn]

I bother to aim this time, but still fire all available weapons at TheLastOne.

 

[Zack]

With the guards out of the way, I FINALLY escape from prison.

 

[TheLastOne36]

I obtain a Focus Band (from the Pokemon games of coarse ) this allows me to hold on to 1 HP if I am fataly attacked.

 

[GenMarshall]

I travel to the headquarters using the alley ways.

 

[Omega124]

I take Roy's Sword (Sword of the Seals), heat it up (It's a flame sword), and burn all their bodies (Nevermind that Quick Man is a robot. Just say he melts). After a big enough fire is made, I throw the sword in, as well.

 

[Earthling]

Just gasoline right? Bad oversight on my part. But I've got little use for these $400 so I use whatever's needed out of that chunk to get help/fuel from a passerby car - and then I can rev up to complete the time unobtainium-fueled time travel.

 

[Abaddon]

Why doesnt my cult ever do anything?

Have them attack MM2 while I go back to hell and chill out until i'm healed.

 

[mythmonster2]

Pursue Abaddon relentlessly.

 

[civplayah]

I steal Seon's hitpoint healer.

 

[Seon]

I defend myself from Civplayah's steal attempt.

 

[Terrance888]

I'll Join!

I praise Thorvald for his awesomenes!

 

[kill fire]

I finish off TLO with an energy blast.

 

[bestrfcplayer]

I think that Earthling is going to win this.

 

[Earthling]

Umm...thanks? At least you're not trying to kill me right now in this one. But I have to give credit to my ally - it's not just me, and he's got all the muscle on the ground right now...
And I don't think being trapped in 1982 would count as a win. Though I do have a contigency plan if I can't get back soon.

 

[Anonymoose]

Head to Hell with Abaddon and assist in the 'chillin' out' and healing. It'll be a demon and telekinetic moose party.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Apologies again for the delay. It's been a rough week.

I bother to aim this time, but still fire all available weapons at TheLastOne.

18: You knock 35 hitpoints out of him and separate his rock arm from his body.

With the guards out of the way, I FINALLY escape from prison.

12: You step outside the precinct.

I obtain a Focus Band (from the Pokemon games of coarse ) this allows me to hold on to 1 HP if I am fataly attacked.

9: You find a nondescript elastic bracelet.

I travel to the headquarters using the alley ways.

2 (5): You are attacked by a tramp with a knife.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (13): You knock him unconscious.

I take Roy's Sword (Sword of the Seals), heat it up (It's a flame sword), and burn all their bodies (Nevermind that Quick Man is a robot. Just say he melts). After a big enough fire is made, I throw the sword in, as well.

3: SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!
ROLL TO DODGE!
18: You and your men make it out of the blast area.

Just gasoline right? Bad oversight on my part. But I've got little use for these $400 so I use whatever's needed out of that chunk to get help/fuel from a passerby car - and then I can rev up to complete the time unobtainium-fueled time travel.

10: Nothing's coming nor going.

You suddenly realize it's been hours since you last ate. You concentration is hampered by your hunger (-1 to rolls for concentrative actions).

Why doesnt my cult ever do anything?

Have them attack MM2 while I go back to hell and chill out until i'm healed.

18 (14): Your mindless horde (all 13 of them) deal 7 damage by swarming him as you stroll back to Hell.

Pursue Abaddon relentlessly.

20: You are so swift in your pursuit that you manage to not only evade his cult, but reach Hell before him, and are able to plan an ambush (+3 to next combat roll against Abaddon).

I steal Seon's hitpoint healer.

7: A built-in defence mechanism delivers a jolt of 5 damage.

I defend myself from Civplayah's steal attempt.

19 (20): You punch civplayah right in the face, dealing 30 damage.

I'll Join!

I praise Thorvald for his awesomenes!

Thorvald is flattered, but informs you that the player roster for Round 1 is full. Please try again once these people have offed each other.

I finish off TLO with an energy blast.

10 (12): You knock him down to 5 hitpoints. Inexplicably, a female wolf walks down the street.

Head to Hell with Abaddon and assist in the 'chillin' out' and healing. It'll be a demon and telekinetic moose party.

10: You head to Hell, but the party has not yet started.

The U.S. Air Force calls another strike on tuxedohamm.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15: tuxedohamm escapes damage.
God returns from His away trip, and civplayah is relieved of duty.

 

[Seon]

I set my angelic retinue and the brownie fairies onto civplayah while yelling "THIEF! THIEF!"

 

[choxorn]

I land the helicopter on top of TLO to crush him and finally kill him.