[RD] Ask a Schizoaffective.

[Narz]

Most good stuff is long. Look up Sapolsky, the guy is awesome.

 

[caketastydelish]

The type of problems I'm having is not generic. I'm having unusual problems that are external just as much as they are internal.

 

[caketastydelish]

I have dropped over 50 pounds just this year. Just this year I am rapidly learning about computer repair, I'm getting apple certified and I'm currently working as a computer repairmen. Just this year my creativity in my writing has skyrocketed and me finishing the manuscript to my first novel is much more of a possibility than ever before. This year I am taking up both Krav Maga and Tae Kwon Doe (before I was afraid to try new things). This year I am developing a normal, responsible sleep schedule (which I hadn't done before since high school). This year I have learned to sing and continue to get better, as well as piano. I plan on moving out of my parent's house in November. This year I graduated with an Associate's degree in Computer Networking and by this time next year, I will have my Bachelors in Computer Information Systems (not an online university but the only remaining classes from this 4-year institution are all available online so I don't have to physically be there). This year I've decided I will start learning Farsi (my father's language) with the Rosetta Stone he got me long ago but I'd been procrastinating to use.

My brain went from being disorganized, being everywhere at once, to being in the here and now. To stop procrastinating and become more task oriented. I am also much better at engaging in conversation with people, coming up with witty lines in any conversation to make people laugh, and I'm sounding more intelligent when I talk.


And one more thing. But this is the disturbing thing that I don't want to talk about publicly.

 

[dusters]

Do you have psychotic episodes or it is that you see things without a trigger?

My psychiatrist seems to think I have schizoaffective disorder triggered by huge stress events, but after those events I calm down in 4-6 months and go back to normal. So far I have stayed off the drugs always telling myself that "this time I will keep myself calm", but in past 3 years during those episodes I have went on binge spending, throwing out furniture (because someone I didn't like has sit on it) and some pathetic attention seeking stuff which I'm really ashamed of later.

 

[caketastydelish]

I haven't had visual hallucinations in quite some time. I had my one and the only psychotic episode at age 18 my senior year of high school.

 

[Hrothbern]

First of all: great that you discuss it openly
Someone I know (having bipolar, using Seroquel) goes to meetings every month to share how it goes with other people having similar disorders. And it helps her.

The real problem is that psychiatry, as a medical field, is like 50 years behind everything else. It is extremely underfunded.

yeah
The health industry is happy to make money by developing and selling pharma to contain the issue. Most people in society a bit afraid of it and steering away from it.
Fundamental understanding has to come from Universities that can do truly scientific research for the good of all and are not forced to short term benefits and not forced to cooperate with the market following business priorities.
Goes slow, but there is progress.

You mention that you struggle with your weight and also use BMI as an indicator.
Some tips on that (from my nutrition hobby):

• In terms of health your waist circumference is an important indicator. In general it is healthy to have some fat, but not at the wrong place (waist).The ABSI is an upgrade of the BMI taking as well your waist into account: http://www.absicalculator.eu/
• There is a relation between brain-health/mental disorders and getting enough Magnesium each day. If you are on a calory restricting diet, you can be sure to get too little Magnesium. Lots on that on internet.
• Mental disorder attacks can also be triggered by strong ups and downs in blood sugar and hit at the low directly after the spike. Preventing that goes in terms of diet the same way as preventing Diabetes-2. Enough literature on internet.

 

[caketastydelish]

I've about 6 feet even and I weigh 155. Keep in mind I don't regularly go to the gym although I plan on going again.

 

[Lemon Merchant]

The type of problems I'm having is not generic. I'm having unusual problems that are external just as much as they are internal.

Someone has probably already told you this, but I'll add my voice to it. If you are having serious issues, it is good to talk with someone about it. It also wouldn't hurt to check with a doctor or mental health professional for an opinion on the matter.

 

[caketastydelish]

Would you be willing to talk to me?

 

[caketastydelish]

"It was the best of times it was the worst of times". I've never read that novel but I know that line and it applies right now.

I am currently taking two different classes in two styles of martial arts (Krav Maga and Taekwondo) and it is making me feel genuinely better about myself. I am also impressing my friends and family by showing them the self-defense techniques I am learning. I am about to be advanced to the next level, in both of those classes.

I have also been learning Farsi (my father's native tongue) just as one more thing to make myself more interesting. I plan on moving out in November. I am currently working on an apple certification program and I am making a little money by helping people with their computer problems.

The exercise has made me in good shape. I have been playing video games here and there (mostly just Blizzard games other than World of Warcraft) and I stream them to twitch. I'd be interested in learning to sing and dance as well. I mean, dance in a choreographed fashion. For personal reasons, I want to learn to dance like they did in late 90's/early 2000's pop videos ('NSYNC, Brittney Spears etc). Learning to break dance would also be cool. Classes for the fall semester start on August 21st and I will be finished with my Bachelor's degree by spring of next year. My classes are all online (even though it is not an online university). This is possible because a) I've already taken some classes physically up there in the past. 2) I am lucky that in my major specifically (Computer Information Systems) the remaining classes are all online. Not having to physically attend the campus is great, because it's roughly 90 miles from where I live.

I've been meaning to work on the manuscript to my novel (currently in messy first rough draft stage) but I've been busy with all these other things. Not entirely bad though, being busy gives you a sense of purpose.

-----------------------------------

All of this being said, I have had some psychological disturbances. Mainly a) am I really a good person and b) my lack of meeting women/experience with them.

The few women who've gotten to know me say I'm a sweet guy with a good soul and I would never take advantage of anyone. I don't know how "good" I am exactly, but I don't naturally have bad thoughts of trying to hurt other people.

I'm simply going to have to get out the house more.

 

[Tahuti]

I haven't had visual hallucinations in quite some time. I had my one and the only psychotic episode at age 18 my senior year of high school.

Are you sure the psychiatrist made the right diagnosis? I have had a psychotic episode at age 20, then three in the past year and a half (I'm now 25), and I got diagnosed with Psychotic disorder NOS, in turn possibly being a complication of BPD.

 

[caketastydelish]

I'll check that out. I see my psychiatrist in only a few days. I'll mention this.

 

[bernie14]

psychotic disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) is not a real diagnosis, it is given when the cause of psychosis is not known or not explained by another condition....or when the doctors just don’t want to say anything more specific...

 

[caketastydelish]

I'm pretty I am not NOS. In other news I am two semester away from graduating (this one + one more) and I am become increasingly serious about my studies. Every time there is a battle between my studies or completing homework versus anything else in life, whether it's my hobbies, non-academic goals, friends, whatever... my coursework wins. With only one more year left it is very important to me that I graduate. Once you have a degree you permanently have it, and it cannot be taken away from you. The majority of people in America do NOT have a bachelors degree, not even millenials aged 25-39 (contrary to popular belief that "everyone" gets one now) and even lots that do get something useless unlike Computer Information Systems. I'm already thinking about different career options after I graduate.

I participate in communities online of people with a similar condition as mine. One particular story that motivated me to work harder was from a female who is close to my age. She mentioned that she was in college for like 6 years (as much as her parents could afford), they were counting on her to actually graduate to make good money and she didn't... now they are broke and she herself and her family is on welfare. The story motivated me, among other things to really get serious and finish. Another thing is that even my Associates degree in Computer Networking (lower than a Bachelors) has made some people jealous. As bad or arrogant as it sounds, it is a reminder that what I have accomplished is not useless, and more of it would be even better.

I think after graduating I will find part time work as a computer technician of some kind, and make just enough to pay for my living expenses (will be as frugal as possible) and grad school. (I want to a dual masters degree of an MBA and a masters in Computer Information Systems). Even assuming the worst that I get to the point that I no longer am able to work, having all these degrees will at least accomplish a bucket list of sorts for me, and will make me permanately feel better about myself.

 

[caketastydelish]

Things have changed and this deserves an update.

-Graduated with that CIS degree. I highly, highly doubt I'll want an MBA or further education at all.

-Around New Years of 2018, I was hospitalized for the first and only time.

-During hospitalization (where they kept an eye on me literally 24/7) they said I actually don't fit into any of the conventional mental illness categories, though obviously, I'm sick. (I guess change the thread title? lol)

-I've gradually become a better human being.

-I'm in the process of moving.

As of right now, I'm focusing on my weakness which are:

-I'm very fragile and emotionally weak... as soon as there's a problem or things get difficult I just want to give up.

-I do make mistakes because of mental illness that most people wouldn't make, I feel.

-Still having trouble meeting women.

-very anxious and miserable all the time.

 

[Lemon Merchant]

Women should be the last thing that you focus on right now, at least until you are feeling a little stronger and your self esteem is a little better. I realize that the need for human companionship is strong and is a basic human requirement, but right now, the last thing that I would think that you would need is another person to have to worry about, and someone who would potentially cause you emotional turmoil.

Get stronger and less fragile, and you will appeal to more women. The anxiousness and misery will also abate, and you will be in a much better position to be a better boyfriend. You'll also be in a much better position to handle the highs and the lows of a relationship.

 

[Hygro]

I will second Lemon Merchant but to addend: even if you’re not at a point to “meet” women you should still be socializing with women.

 

[caketastydelish]

The move has happened, and I now reside in the DFW metroplex. I completed a PHP group therapy program (30 hours a week) for almost a month and was discharged last week. I THOUGHT I was feeling better (hating myself less, less panic attacks etc) but two women broke my heart in less than 24 hours apart from each other.

I went on a date with one (who was married and in an open relationship), who told me after the date via snapchat (she wouldn't give me her number), that we could be friends but not romantically viable. I asked why and she said are you on the (autism) spectrum?

The second girl I never met in person but stopped talking to me after less than 10 minutes via skype because "we are too different"

 

[Farm Boy]

Don't let randoms break your heart if you can build that up. I was never good at it. People are shallow and most of them are awful matches for each other.

 

[bernie14]

Cake, are you seeing a therapist?