IdIOT: Shock and Terror

[NinjaCow64]

72 hours until lock

 

[KaiserElectric]

Making a Cat Girl Queen​

Part 2​

"Remove Sultana!" someone shouted as an accordion smacked feebly into the hardened sides of the armored truck peeling through the streets of New Torval. The truck containing the Sultana and what was left of her entourage continued on its course without stopping, even as a barrage of trumpets and keyboards rained down on them, intent on stopping them before reaching the Nile.

"Dragons....it just HAD to be dragons," Sultana Zahmahni moaned, rubbing her temples out of frustration. "Every time things seem to be going our way, dragons show up. It has to be cliche at this point."

"3rd Legion just surrendered," a black-armored bodyguard frantically making radio call-outs announced to the vehicle's occupants. "Can't make contact with the 4th and 5th, 2nd is holding on in the South, they need orders."

"Tell them to retreat, get underground or across the border to continue the fight there," the Sultana said glumly. "We've lost Elsweyr."

"Then where are we retreating to, Sweden?" the ever-loyal Raul Khanjstavir asked hopefully.

"Gods no," the Sultana exclaimed. "Aslaug all but openly declared her allegiance to the Witchhunter once they took the Grand Harbors. The traitorous would probably hand us over to the dragons the minute we set foot there. No offense, Raul."

"None taken, I sympathize entirely," Raul said honestly.

"We're going to Jerusalem," Ezri explained. "The ponies were our strongest allies, and if we're lucky we'll have enough good will left with them to set up a government in exile. We have a submarine waiting for us at the Nile to take us there."

"We managed to fit a submarine in the river?" the radioman asked.

"It's a small thing that's bigger on the inside than on the outside," Raul explained. "The British use the same tech in their police boxes."

Before the soldier could comment, the truck arrived at its destination, screeching to a halt and violently launching the passengers around and giving an impromptu lesson on safety belt usage. Undeterred, the Sultana and her escort tumbled out of the car and onto the banks of the Nile, where a simple concrete jetty extended into the river and a tiny little submarine tower was poking above the waterline like an innuendo. Protected from the mob by a defensive ring of armored cars and bodyguards, Sultana Zahmahni, Raul, and a few choice bodyguards quickly strode towards the submarine.

"Open up in there, it's the Sultana!" the first bodyguard to reach the sealed vessel shouted, banging the butt of his rifle against the metal hatch. As the metal hatch began to unlock, he noticed Sultana Ezri looking around, tugging nervously on her pointed ears.

"If you're looking for the inevitable assassin, don't worry," Raul reassured her. "We have tabs on everyone, the rebels don't have anyone who can get to you here."

"Are you sure you have everyone checked out? Because there's a lot of them," Ezri said briskly. "Because there's a lot of names out there. You have the Curse-a-Nature, Sgt. Helsing, the Mad Doktor..."

"...the Manngaro, the Invisible Rogue, the Murky Lurker, all far away from here or too busy to bother," Raul concluded, counting each name off on his clawed fingers. "I have tabs on everyone who could possibly try to kill you right now, and none of them will."

"With all due respect, ma'am," one of the bodyguards chimed in, "I know you're in good hands. If there's anyone who can keep the Sultana safe from danger, it's this guy right here, the one guy who definitely is the least likely to ever do anything that will cause your imminent death, even via a freak accident, and he definitely won't slip up and let some loser slip by his cast-iron defenses to kill you! Not even someone like the Grand Duchess!"

"...the Grand Duchess?" Raul asked innocently. Right on cue, there was a bear-like roar in the direction of the crowd, and an armored car was lifted away by a blast of magic. Standing in its place was a giant, bald Russian man in a tiara, tutu, and fairy wings, waving a magic star-shaped wand in one hand and clutching a sandvich in the other.

"Pretty little princess is here to KILL YOU!" he shouted with apparent glee, before pointing his wand at the Sultana. "Capatus crepitus!"

Unfortunately for the wish-making fairy in his serious historical costume, Raul was prepared for situations like this, having earned a doctorate in Dramatically Diving and Shouting "NO!" to Protect World Leaders, with a minor in Screaming "NO!" at the Sky in Anguish. As a fireball streaked towards the Sultana, Raul made a fantastic dive, shoving Ezri out of the way and taking the brunt of the powerful magic spell. Mentally preparing himself to die a horrible fiery death, he was pleasantly surprised when the spell did little more then singe his robes, extinguishing the fireball with a soft "phhut".

"BAAAAAH! HEAVY HATE LOSING!" the fat Russian in the tutu shouted in anger before turning on his heel and lumbering off in the other direction. "Heavy will never use pretty pony spells again! Friendship is STUPID magic!"

"Wow, that was an impressive dive, sir," the bodyguard said in admiration. "Even if it was wholly unnecessary."

"Anything to keep the Sultana safe from harm," Raul said nonchalantly, rubbing his sore bottom. "Is she on the submarine yet?"

"Oh no, you actually knocked her into the river," he said cheerfully. "The jetty is pretty short here, so when you tackled her she just tumbled off. Sploosh!" Sure enough, when Raul turned to look at the damage, he saw Ezri calmly bobbing up and down in the river. He desperately tried to stammer out an apology, but the Sultana merely shook her head.

"Don't worry, you did what you had to do," Ezri said, panting as she treaded water. "Normally I would be livid, but as it happens, I'm an excellent swimmer, and the river is very cool and refreshing. Luckily the crocodiles don't become active until June, otherwise I'd be in serious trouble!"

"Er, the crocodiles come around in April," a bodyguard pointed out. "And besides, it's the end of August right now."

"Ah, I see," Ezri said coolly as half a dozen scaly green logs made a beeline for her position in the river. "Well, I guess that's that. Wait, I can be more poetic with my last words! Um, oh that I do not live to s-"

Raul and the bodyguard winced as her speech was cut short by a crocodile taking her by the neck with its powerful jaws and dragging her under the water, where the rest of the bunch proceeded to eat her messily. The pair of them lowered their heads in respect.

"A life tragically cut short by the cruel bonds of fate," Raul waxed poetic.

"And about a dozen crocodiles," the bodyguard added on.

"Oh, well spoken," came a deep yet posh voice behind the pair. Both of them turned around to see a big, blue dragon's massive head and neck protruding from the hatch on the submarine. The other black-armored bodyguards were nowhere to be seen. "I was just going to consume the lot of you when you climbed into this curious vessel, but I must say, assassination by crocodile is absolutely spiffing alternative. Quite droll."

"Does this mean we lost the war?" the last bodyguard asked innocently.

"Oh indubitably," the blue dragon said. "But I'm afraid we're not quite done yet. Her majesty, the one not serving as an appetizing meal to the Crocodylus, wishes to have an audience with you two first, post-haste. Well, the feline in the robes moreso then the blackened armor, but I'm sure you are understanding." Before Raul could utter a word in protest, the dragon clamped its mouth over him and the bodyguard, throwing him into hot, sweaty darkness and carrying him to parts unknown.

"Dragons," Raul moaned. "It just HAD to be dragons. And crocodiles."

TO BE CONCLUDED

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Abbott Broadcasting Corporation

"Truth's as easy as ABC!"

On the eve of war, a calm and beneficent reflection by the First Citizen Abbott

Dear friends, loyal comrades, as you know I am a humble man. When, scant years ago, we stared down the demonic terror of the Samaras regime, I didn't retreat into hyperbole. I didn't conflate domestic discontent with foreign plots. And I certainly didn't pledge unconditional support to a government that proved just as imperialist merely because its ideological semantics were more in line with my own. No, I saw the threat for what it really was, and responded appropriately. I spoke the plain and honest truth.

Small wonder, then, that so many so-called 'social justice warriors' were eager to slander my name throughout the war. They knew my armour-piercing intellect would expose their flimsy fackades for what they really were: a conspiracy to enslave this great nation to debauchery and furversion, a conspiracy now brought to clear and incontestible light under the traitorous ex-opposition leader Bill Shorten. A few misguided individuals claimed the sting operations conducted the previous year were an egregious abuse of police force, but I ask you this: How much more land would we have lost, how many innocent citizens would lie yiffed to death today, had I not had the courage to take these precautionary, life-saving measures?

Any other politician would say 'I told you so', but I am a humble man.

War has come to our shores, faithful subjects. This unholy alliance of robot zombies, fur—s, paedophiles, and leftist anarchists seeks to strip our civilization down to its core and then rape the [REDACTED] out of it. Now more than ever, we must stand strong, stand united, and show these probably literal mother[REDACTED]s that they have no place in modern, progressive discourse. We cannot rely on our allies for support, since in this our most desperate hour they have chosen to forsake all the good will previously given to stand by and let us bleed:

While Abbotsford may deny that they've supplied our enemy with troops and material, the Inquisition's reports say otherwise with uniforms and materiale extracted from the warzone. Even our resistance fighters down in the occupied areas of our land have noticed and reported the same thing our Inquisition have reported.

These slanderous allegations are a kick in the crotch to the heroic MEN _{and maybe some women auxiliaries? I dunno} who laid down their lives in what proved an ultimately misguided sacrifice to keep American shores safe from the Japanese menace. Nova Terra's treachery will be dealt with in due course; for now, however, we must summon our Aussie grit to smash the Labour infidels once and for all.

Bill, I now speak directly to you. Your soul may yet be saved. If Katter could be redeemed, there is hope for you yet. Your illegal coup is an affront to the very democratic values you claimed to champion, and suffice to say your approval will never recover. But, as duly elected and lawful Prime Minister, I have the discretion to pardon even the most self-incriminating villain. If you surrender now, disband your fur— legions, and submit the free peoples so cruelly enthralled to your debauched, lustful id to the Australian government, I may yet be able to spare your life. Pursue this doomed rebellion, and I vow to spare no expense in purging your kiddy-fiddling filth from the face of the Earth.​

 

[NinjaCow64]

~36 Hours Until Softlock

I'll be busy tomorrow so that's all the warning you're going to get.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Lock extended 24 hours due to me only receiving 5/13 orders. Come on people.

Annoyed reminder PMs will be sent out later.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Everyone but one player have got their orders in.

Orders Locked.

 

[Terran Empress]

EDICTUM IMPERIUM​

(Edict of Empire)​

Declaration of Empire:

Wherefore with the reclamation of Constantinople for the Christian Faith, Princess Starshine Thunder of Jerusalem, by the grace of God, Defender of the Faith, hereby proclaims the reestablishment of the Imperium Romaniae, or Empire of Romania, and declares herself, with the authority of His Holiness and King of Italy, Pope Celestine VI, Empress of Constantinople.

The Flag of the Empire of Romania will be as follows.

Provincial Restructuring:

Wherefore, upon the declaration of the Empire, the new Empire will be restructured into Prefects, Each containing their own Imperial Prefect, chosen by the reigning Empress, in exception of the Balkan Prefecture, The Italian Prefecture, and the Imperial Prefecture.

The Prefects of the empire shall be divided into provinces called Kingdoms and Duchies based on historical regions. Excepting the Balkan Prefect which shall be divided into republics based on culture, language, and history.

The Prefects of the empire shall be republican in government, with an elected Parliament, who choses a head of government, with the head of state of being the Imperial Prefect, with the exception of Balkan Prefecture, who’s head of state is elected by the People of the prefecture, the Italian Prefecture, which follows the government of the Kingdom of Italy, and the Imperial Prefecture, who’s prefect is the reigning Empress.

The governments of the provinces follow the same government system as their respective prefects, excepting the balkan republics which shall set up a democratic republican system put in by the will of the people living there.

The Prefectures and a map of their territory follows:

• Italy
• Anatolia
• Arabia
• Persia
• Dalmatia
• Balkan Republics
• Imperial

The Provinces and a map of their territory follows:

• Kingdom of Italy
• Kingdom of Anatolia
• Kingdom of Armenia
• Kingdom of Kurdistan
• Kingdom of Hejaz
• Duchy/Emirate of Najd
• Kingdom/Sultanate of Oman
• Kingdom/Sultanate of Yemen
• Kingdom/Sultanate of Mesopotamia
• Kingdom/Shahdom of Azerbaijan
• Kingdom/Shahdom of Iran
• Kingdom/Shahdom of Balochistan
• Kingdom of Croatia
• Kingdom of Varangia
• Greece
• Epirus
• Serbia
• Bulgaria
• Wallachia
• The Isles
• Kingdom of Jerusalem
• Constantinople

Creation of a Senate:

To better administer, and a legislate the Empire, an Imperial Senate shall be set up in Constantinople, The senate shall consist of three representatives from each Province. These Senators shall be elected by the people of the province, and the Senate will elect a Prime Minister who will be the Co-Head of Government working with the Empress to administer the Empire. The Empress will continue to serve the role as the Head of State of the Empire.

The Resettlement of Anatolia:

Anatolia, having suffered the greatest loss of life in the war and under the oppression of the USSR has been divided up into Resettlement areas, the east has been given to the people of Armenia who have been exclusive rights to resettle the area to protect their people, language, and cultural heritage. In the Center is the Kingdom of Anatolia given to the Ottomans and the Turks native to the area, who will be encouraged to repopulate and move to the area, and unlike the Armenians will have limited non Ottoman or Turkish migrants, but in a limited form to help protect the local Ottoman-Turkish culture and lifestyle. The Westernmost territory of Anatolia has been given to the Greeks and other Balkan peoples on an exclusive basis similar to the Armenians in the east. Constantinople, both the European and Asian half, have been given to the empire, to create a cosmopolitan capital, where the ideas and cultures of the entire empire can come together to debate and to thrive. Finally, none of the people of the empire will be forced to move from where they currently living, the Ottomans and the Turks in the eastern and westernmost territories of anatolia will not be forced to move to the interior and will be protected from losing their land to newcomers if they wish, however, incentives to bring more turks to the interior to create a more localized and hegemonic population there can and may be implemented. See map below for areas of resettlement.

-Empress Starshine Thunder in the year of the Lord 3008

MAP OF THE IMPERIUM ROMANIAE AT THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THE EDICT OF EMPIRE​

 

[Tyo]

THE PHILIPPINES RISES AGAIN

Official Name: The DeadPhilippines
Claims:

Official flag, insignia, and wifi password:

Spoiler :

Leader: Deadpool

Image taken during his inauguration as President-King-Elect. He won by a landslide victory of 2. The other survivors not able to attend election because they couldn't find the election booth. Also, there were no other candidates. Also, the election was rigged.
Government: On the real, whatever Deadpool says goes. So autocracy, I guess.

History: Deadpool saved the Philippines using giant balloons to raise the ground back to the surface, as the legend goes.

When Deadpool the Magreaticent raised the islands back to the surface, he found the inhabitants had undergone extreme evolution due to the extreme radiation and also a rare chemical known as ASB that was smuggled onto the island somehow. This evolution effectively made them fish-people who could live on land and in water - and also gave them a lot of cancer. However, the radiation also gave them a healing factor very similar to Deadpool. Deadpool had found a group of people that were just like him - though they were somehow even uglier than he was, and the commonality of brain cancer rendered them with the intellect of a 5-year-old. So Deadpool took it upon himself to lead these people and maybe one day, cure them of their cancer.

 

[KaiserElectric]

Making a Cat Girl Queen​

Part 3​

"Wow!" Katia Managan the Dragon Queen exclaimed as she lowered herself into the Sultana's throne sitting in the middle of her palace, now filled with the victorious mage vanguards and a few loyal dragon servants. "This throne is SUPER comfy! No wonder the Sultana didn't do anything for like a month after sitting in this." Sinking into the super comfy fabric, she gave a start when a shriek sounded from the other room. The door slammed open and several burly vikings marched out of side hall, followed by a rather tall and muscular woman in heavy chain-mail and a battle skirt, fresh blood dripping from her bastard sword. Stabbing the bloody weapon into the ground, the woman removed her helmet to reveal a mess of long, blonde hair.

"That's the last of the palace guards," Aslaug Khanjstavir said with a hearty laugh. "With the rest of the Sultana's armies gone, I guess this war is finally over."

"Oh goody," Katia said gleefully. "I can't wait to start doing government things!"

"The deposed Sultana is a problem, though," the diminutive Elsweyr archmage announced sagely, lowering his hood for dramatic effect. "If she manages to convince the ponies to support her in a counter-revolution, our new regime could be both very short and full of excitement."

"That is not a problem," a bipedal, more human-sized dragon announced to the congregated usurpers as it entered the room. "I have just been informed that while the assassin the archmage hired did not succeed, the Sultana has been killed via crocodile. Several, in fact."

"What about Raul?" Aslaug said threateningly, fingers reaching for the axe hanging from her belt.

"He's fine, he's fine!" the dragon squeaked out in response at the large viking queen. "Since he's the last living representative of the old regime we're bringing him right here so he can officially surrender."

"And with any luck, drawn and quartered," the archmage grumbled, just out of earshot of the scowling viking woman.

Right on cue, the main doors burst open, as the magic vanguard dragged two men before the new Queen, both covered in shiny viscous liquid. The vangaurd threw them to the ground with extreme prejudice, the black-armored guard landing at the foot of the archmage, cracking his helmet in the process, and Raul Khanjstavir landing in front of the viking queen.

"...Aslaug?" Raul murmured, sounding equal parts shocked and relieved. Aslaug smiled coolly down at him.

"Hello, Raul. I hear you have been....EUUGH what are you covered in?" she shouted in disgust as he stumbled to his feet and wrung out one of his sleeves, draining the viscous liquid from it.

"Darling, you do not want to know," Raul said bluntly, looking somewhat nauseous. His eyes drifted across the menagerie of conspirators before resting on the Withhunter herself, grinning like a schoolchild waiting for a treat to be handed to her.

"So," Raul began, clasping his hands together in anticipation. "I don't think I need to prolong things anymore. On behalf of the late Sultana, once the regent of a thousand rives, now the repast of a thousand reptiles, the Sultanate hereby surre-"

"NYOT SO FAST!"

Everyone turned to look at the black-armored bodyguard in surprise. Scrambling to his feet, he removed his cracked helmet to reveal a feminine cat face and a mop of long green hair.

"My god, you're a woman!" the archmage sputtered.

"Nyot just a woman, archmage-san!" the bodyguard said excitably. "I am a super kawaii neko from Japan! And you have just played into our hands, bakka!"

With those words, the main doors flew open again, and a mob of Japanese-born anthropomorphic catgirls flooded into the room, enough to outnumber Katia's magical vanguard.

"Wait a minute, I'm confused," Katia Managan piped up as the most adorable mob in the world flooded into the throne room. "What exactly is going on here?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" one of the cats piped up from within the mewing mob. "We wanted to take over the Sultanate too, but we are too kawaii to get involved in all these nyasty wars and stuff, desu."

"So we plotted to put Ms. Managan on the throne...then sneak in and take the nyation for our own!"

"WITH ROBOT DRAGONS, NYAAAA!"

"WE SEND FILTHY GAJIIN HOME!"

There was a cold silence that filled the room, broken only by the soft mewing from the Nyan immigrants.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Raul spoke up incredulously. "The dragons were from the Soviet blimp, they didn't-"

"OBSERVE, BAKKA!" the black-armored bodyguard interrupted, taking out a tiny remote control and clicking it triumphantly. All at once, every single dragon in the room, humanoid or otherwise, went limp and fell to the ground with a thud.

"We managed to sneak on board the Soviet blimp and hide a bunch of our lovely robot dragons in there for you to find through a process that a baka gajiin like you wouldn't understand!"

"And we staged the incident where you got zapped with a pew pew rifle, too!" one catgirl squeed excitedly. "You aren't part dragon, you're part ROBOT, Ms. Managan!"

"I am?" Katia Managan said, looking at her hands curiously. "Cool! I'm a robot-dragon-witchunter! This day just keeps getting better!"

"And you are no ordinary cyber-cat either!" a particularly moe catgirl squeaked from the back row. "You are partially made of GLORIOUS NIPPON STEEL!"

"SHARP LIKE KATANA!"

"FOLDED ONE OVER ONE THOUSAND TIMES!"

Alsaug scowled angrily, her fingers drumming on the hilt of her bastard sword.

"Y-you fiends!" the archmage barked at the mewing mob. "How dare you defile the good name of all catfolk with your technology?!?" There was something of a stunned silence from the mob, and the sound of a few sniffles at the accusation.

"W-we don't want to defile the nyame of all catfolk," the black-armored bodyguard said, tears welling in her eyes. "We were afraid that if the mages won, we would all get sent back home, or something even worse."

"Hey, wait a moment-" the archmage said, but was interrupted when all of the Nippon cats burst into tears, cowing him into a guilt silence. After several tissues were airdropped into the room and things calmed down a bit, the archmage spoke up again.

"I suppose I was misguided," the archmage said, hanging his head. "I have no love of technology, but I would never dream of oppressing a fellow catfolk. I was a cat before I was a mage, after all."

"W-we wouldn't do anything to you guys for using magic either," the black-armored bodyguard sniffled. "We were all cats before we were super kawaii robot makers. And besides, it is super awesome how you guys can, like, shoot fireballs and lightning bolts, nya."

"And I must admit, these machines you make are quite sophisticated and intricate," the archmage said, looking over the deactivated dragon-bots. "The work of a true master."

Katia's eyes brightened. "Maybe we can work out something, guys..."

-------------------------------------Some intense negotiations later-------------------------------------​

"Right then," Katia announced to the small crowd, fluttering her wings excitedly. "I think that this treaty is just about done. Let's go over the major points one last time." She cleared her throat for effect and adopted a more regal sounding tone. "This treaty hereby affirms that the Elsweyr Sultanate is hereby disbanded, and in its place stands a new empire, dedicated to the protection of all people of feline disposition."

"We're renaming the Sultanate?" Anslaug asked. "What's wrong with the old name?"

"Well we have to choose something to represent all cat people, not just Khajiit." Katia explained. "One slight problem though..."

"What?"

"Well...I don't really have a name," Katia said with a guilty smile.

"Ooh ooh!" the black-armored bodyguard shouted, excitedly jumping up and down. "What about...the Holy Neko Empire?"

"I like that!" Katia said, ignoring the groans from the rest of the onlookers and scribbling the name on the parchment. "So, the Holy Neko Empire will be established, with Katia Managan as the new Empress..."

"Getting rid of her royalty fear was my idea!" squeaked a voice in the back.

"Furthermore, this new government will respect the rights of mages to perpetuate their craft and will also allow the free use of technologies within legal parameters."

"Agreed," the arch-mage and the black-armored bodyguard said in tandem.

"Okay then!" Katia confirmed, scanning over the fine print. "Pineapple deregulation...milk subsidies...accordion bans...I think that's everything of note. Only one thing left to do."

Everyone looked over at Raul Khanjstavir, the only one in the room matching the height of his wife, the viking queen Aslaug. He cleared his throat before speaking in his droning, official tone.

"The Sultanate hereby surrenders to the forces of the Holy Neko Empire."


Viking, vanguard, and catgirl alike cheered at the announcement of this proclamation as Raul and Katia both added their signatures to the document and shook hands.

"Well Raul, despite the fact that you're a war criminal, I'm willing to offer you a pardon and a position on my staff, if you're interested," Empress Katia said with a smile.

"As tempting as it is, I've been away from home for too long," Raul explained wearily. "The pardon would be nice, though."

"Pardon granted!" Katia said happily. "I hope that the relationship between Scandinavia and the HNE will be as healthy as ever."

"Let's go home, dearest," Aslaug said gently. "We will host a great feast to celebrate our victory."

"Of course," Raul said with a loving smile. "I've been away from you far too long, my desert flower..."

"You will soon be much closer," the viking queen said sultrily as the pair of them, flanked by their army of vikings, departed from the great hall to head for home.

"That's so sweet," Katia said, swooning at the sight of Raul and Anslaug holding hands as they left. "And slightly nauseating."

"Oh Ms. Maaaaaanagan!" the black-armored bodyguard called out as she approached the royal throne. "I got those refugees you wanted me to find, nya!" Following her were two humanoid robots in very nice suits and strange helmets, one silver and one golden.

"They said that they would be willing to work for you in exchange for being awesome and granting them asylum from the Church of Goomy!" the neko-girl in the black armor said cheerfully.

"I thought they didn't talk?" the archmage inserted into the conversation

"I have my ways, you gajiin," the black-armored bodyguard said with a wink. This gave Katia an even better idea.

"What's your name, anyway?" she asked the girl.

"Marina Liteyears, Ms. Managan," she replied with a salute.

"How would you like to be on my council?"

Marina's eyes widened excitedly. "R-really?" she sputtered in disbelief.

"Certainly!" Katia remarked. "I need someone to advise me on technology issues and you seem like the best one for the job." Marina gave her yes response in the form of a squee that could shatter glass and ran off to tell all her friends. Satisfied, Katia Managan, empress of the Holy Neko Empire, reclined in her brand new throne and relaxed. This was going to be lot of fun, she decided. How hard could it be to run a nation anyways?

"Empress!" a vanguard shouted as he burst into the grand hall. "Someone has just crashed a landmass into our canal!"

A nearby bush shouted "PHRASING!"

Epilogue

"The plan was successful! The old Sultana is deposed and the Managan is now the ruler of their empire."

"Well done, my loyal disciple. The release of the crocodiles was distasteful, but you proved yourself by manipulating the Nippon cats and the mages to cooperate. Thanks to you, the fanfic will soon be fulfilled."

"Thank you, master."

"Now with Katia in power and the SADS threat pushed off of Nova Terra, we must ensure that the Holy Neko Empire survives and Katia remains in power."

"Because Connie Managan OTP?"

"Yes, my child. So long as the OTP holds, our plans will move forward."

"The enemies of the Empire are many, my master."

"Do not worry, my child. None will overcome the Illuminaughty."

 

[Civ'ed]

HFS madagascar hereby announces both the reformation of the Federation of International Football Associations, as well as that Space Israel and Space Qatar will be joint hosters.
Venues will be in Space Tel Aviv, Space Doha, and Space Slavery.

 

[gay_Aleks]

What about Space Drugs and Space Desert? Do you mean all those bribes we spent went for nothing?!

Curses.

 

[NinjaCow64]

HFS madagascar hereby announces both the reformation of the Federation of International Football Associations, as well as that Space Israel and Space Qatar will be joint hosters.
Venues will be in Space Tel Aviv, Space Doha, and Space Slavery.

The Space Jews' home team of The Flying Shekels and Space Qatar's home team of Le Bribemasters will be attending the event (naturally).

Gordon Brown is pleased to announce that the universe's worst football team, The English Badgers, have petitioned FIFA to be included in the tournament.

The puppet states will defer their football decisions to their overlord.

 

[Ailedhoo]

To FIFA
From EVIL

E.V.I.L would like to wish good fortunes to a fellow criminal syndicate peaceful co-operative. We were wondering... since we have technical face of a country that we could enter a team for the tournament? We are a international body yes but I sure that a little gesture could allow us to enter, no? Our team will meet the standard and will include elite players kidnapped recruited for the cause. We hope the bribe donation of stolen baked cakes will be a good attachment to this message. The Director hates likes football and will hence would love to ruin enhance the game by having EVIL join it. Consider well this consideration.

 

[Civ'ed]

FROM: FIFA
TO: EVIL
FIFA was initially hesitant to consider a non-entity an entity, however Qatar threatened us all with enslavement kindly supported the EVIL bid.

It goes without saying that Space Qatar will win the event, of course.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

With those words, the main doors flew open again, and a mob of Japanese-born anthropomorphic catgirls flooded into the room, enough to outnumber Katia's magical vanguard.

"Catgirls," grumbled the WYOS Author, "Why did it have to be catgirls?"

 

[GenMarshall]

"Catgirls," grumbled the WYOS Author, "Why did it have to be catgirls?"

At least it's not Tani and his Enerjak

p)

 

[dragonprobably]

ayy lmaora

Government: Nomads

History: The ayy lmaora left their planet because they ran out of booze and drugs. So they were all sent out to acquire more. Unfortunately, a fleet of them crash landed here. So now they will wander the world for booze and drugs, while sending out a distress signal to any other ayy lmaora out there.​

 

[dragonprobably]

Okay, edited my second sign up post.

 

[Omega124]

An image deceipting a hot USV landing at Borneo admist heavy enemy resisitance

 

[NinjaCow64]

WAR UPDATE


Link to video.​

Madagascar Inserts Landmass into Red Sea

It was a beautiful day on the Red Sea. The sea was red with the blood of virgins (as usual) and delicious trade was flowing through the Suez Canal. Every Pony, Cat and other species was extremely happy. Things were looking good. That was until Madagascar came to say hello.

The extremely large boat/floating landmass was attempting to block the Suez Canal, to get to the Suez Canal it had to go through the Gulf of Aden. Where it promptly got stuck. The on-duty operator of the Suez Canal Authority asked the ship to move. The response she got was a loud, drunken “NO!” followed by a burp. The operator then followed up saying that the ship was stopping vital trade and that if they didn’t move then the Suez Canal Authority would enlist Nekoese and Romanian armies to push them out. Captain Farage’s response was to mutter “bloody immigrants” through the radio and then yank it out, ending all future communication attempts.

The Suez Canal Authority organized all available forces, 11 Neko Brigades and 11 Romanian Legions (total of 22 MIL), to force Madagascar out by marching onto the landmass. Captain Farage organized 40 Drunken Pirate Battalions supported by the Madagascar’s many, many cannons to meet the force. The Suez Canal Authority was quickly overwhelmed, having to retreat and abandon their holdings in the city of Aden.

This blockage in the Red Sea has rendered the Suez Canal completely useless for trade purposes. Almost everyone in the whole wide world is effected by the economic fallout from this aggressive ship-based intercourse. How will the world react to this latest event?

-Global Stability Drop for almost everyone. Due to rule changes, this damages the world’s economy also. Regions directly bordering the Canal get an additional stability drop.
-1 ECO destroyed in both the Holy Neko Empire and Imperium Romaniae from the fighting.

End of the Drug War – America United:

After the humiliating defeat of the Nova Terrans at the hands of S.A.D.S and her mysterious allies, General Cassandra Moore was out for revenge. The redeployment of General Veers and General Rom Mohc to the Drug War and with the Imperator’s newfound interest in the war, Moore’s authority was eroded even further than it was when it was just the Inquisition breathing down her neck. Still, she was thankful for the reinforcements and she was just happy that she was not punished further for her failures.

Because the Cyber-Legion that was attacking Nova Terra was dealt with, the Imperator was able to transfer their military forces to Earth. The Nova Terran second fleet, under the command of Admiral Piett in the Star Dreadnaught NTS Harrower, was tasked with bombarding South America and transferring reinforcements from around the Empire along with the thousands coming through the Warp Gate. Amongst the most famous of the reinforcements were the 23rd Dawnstar Amazonian Division, a primarily-female force of soldiers from the planet Dawnstar which is known for its’ rugged climate and its’ extremely muscular women. It is rumoured that the Imperator herself When the division made landfall a high ranking Vietnamese official jumped out of her chair, stood up to attention, saluted and shed a single tear of joy. When asked why she did this, she said “it just felt like the right thing to do”.

The first phase of the invasion of South America consisted of an aerial blitz to decimate the South American air force. This was followed shortly by an intense bombing run of military and industrial targets, followed by a blitz of tactical nuclear missiles launched from Panama and then finished off by orbital bombardment from the NTS Harrower’s turbolasers, gauss canons and mass accelerators. This mass bombardment obliterated much of the South American army and destroyed any cohesion they once had. Led by Imperator Connie Marshall herself, The Amazon Dawnstars, Cyberwar Veterans, Powered Armoured Divisions, Capture Troopers, Dark Troopers and various artillery, tanks and AT-AT walkers made short work of the remaining South American forces. Meanwhile, the South American navy was obliterated by the navies of the Holy Neko Empire and Nova Terra, including the NTS Arc Hammer II, NTS Thunderchild and the HNS Nyan.

When the Nova Terran forces reached the Falkland Islands, the headquarters of the Syndicates, the found the place entirely abandoned. All important documents were removed and/or destroyed. Also all the drugs were gone . Soon after this, they learned that S.A.D.S had re-established itself in Africa under the new name – South African Drug Syndicate: Africa Edition. The Highwaymen have claimed responsibility for this, both the Nova Terran Inquisition and Neko counter-intelligence agencies believe that Highwaymen moles planted within their navies caused the Highwayman fleet to sneak S.A.D.S.A.E V.I.Ps past their fleets undetected.

In related espionage news, the Nova Terran Inquisition ramped up its’ anti-drug campaign in the border territories. Mass arrests of suspected corrupt government happened in the South American region, thousands were sent to Inquisitorial re-education camps to be processed. This caused a minor revolt in the region, but the rebels were obliterated in the campaign just like the rest of the Syndicate’s army.

The Inquisition also attempted to infiltrate the Syndicate government, but almost none of their agents survived a week, as they were killed by the surprisingly efficient and brutal Syndicate counter-intelligence groups. The Inquisition believed that their cover was blown by high ranking government officials in the pockets of the Syndicates and their allies. As a response, a crackdown was organized by the Inquisition. Many spy rings were dismantled, but the agents all committed suicide before they could extract any valuable information out of them. As a response to these new and aggressive counter-espionage tactics, a series of assassinations against high-ranking Inquisition members were performed. This cumulated with a terrorist attack on the Nationalist Inquisitorial Headquarters in Panama City, completely levelling the building. Thousands died and were injured in the attack, although luckily Tym Nightshade and his closest aides were able to make it out with only minor injuries. With these attacks, it is clear to everyone in the intelligence community that Nova Terra’s counter-espionage capabilities are crippled and that the Inquisition will need a lot of money to rebuild itself back to a semblance of its’ old self. This may prove troubling for Nova Terra, especially considering that there are many people in South America who actually liked their old government and their drugs and who may decide to once again take up arms.

Despite these setbacks, no one can deny that Nova Terra has had another major victory. People all across Nova Terra’s Earth holdings are celebrating the defeat of yet another major foe. Perhaps this could be the beginning of the end of Nova Terra’s chaotic wartime period and the transformation into a new, prosperous peace time.

-Nova Terra and the Holy Neko Empire took no casualties in the fighting. S.A.D.S.A.E lost 10 MIL. Nova Terra gained half of the Syndicate’s ECO in South America, the rest was destroyed.

Abbotsfordian Civil War has Unexpected Development…

Although the forces of One Revolution at Abbott’s were hopelessly outnumbered, they hoped that if they could pull of some TATICAL GENIUS then they would be able to outmanoeuvre the Abbotsfordian military and maintain their revolution. When they got information about the Abbotsforidan military operations, they based their entire military operations around it. They fortified New Guinea, as the information said that Abbott would focus the majority of his invasion there. Additionally, the information also said that Vietnam would attack Borneo, leading the revolutionaries to abandon the island as they knew that it would be suicidal to attempt to fight a two-sided war.

Unfortunately for Shorten and his allies, Abbott is a master ruseman. The “intelligence” that the revolutionaries got their hands on were cleverly-crafted fakes designed to manoeuvre Shorten into the position that Abbott wanted as a part of Operation Hanson Hansen. While there was an attack on New Guinea, it was merely a distraction made up of light air-cavalry and navies so the heavier Abbottsfordian forces could overwhelm the rest of Indonesia. Robots fought robots, tanks fought tanks, Death Corps fought Labor extremists and imprisoned furries fought free furries as the battle for Indonesia raged. Eventually, the main Abbotsfordian armies overwhelmed New Guinea and crushed the revolution. Most of the leadership is now in Abbotsfordian custody, but somehow Bill Shorten escaped during the chaos.

One thing that Abbott did not account for was that his false information would actually be correct. Shortly after the evacuation of Borneo, Vietnamese forces quickly overran North Borneo. While the Vietnamese did not attack Abbotsfordian forces directly, the commanders of Operation Hansen decided that this was “unacceptable aggression”, so they activated a rapid response squad put aside in case of third-party incursions. While the Vietnamese were technologically outmatched, liberal (ha ha) use of napalm and other incendiary weapons allowed them to maintain a 1:1 Kill/Death ratio. After almost a month of intense fighting, the Vietnamese forces managed to drive Abbotsfordian forces off of the island.

These recent developments may have turned the Abbotsfordian Civil War into a war to finally determine the true superpower in Asia. Will the allies of Abbott help them overcome the superior military strength of Vietnam, or will they abandon him at his greatest hour of need? Meanwhile, those still loyal to Labor who escaped the carnage have gone underground. How will this third faction, loyal to neither side, effect the war?

-One Revolution at Abbott’s is annex ;_;

- Casualties:
-Abbott: 8 MIL
-Vietnam: 5 MIL
-Furries: Everything!

-ECO Transfer:
-Abbott: +3
-Vietnam: +1
-Destroyed: 4

The Indian Civil War Rages:

Seeing that their governments were either unable or unwilling to help them, both the Rajdom and the Emirate of India swore featly to another faction. The Rajdom threw their lot in with the Coalition of India (Vietnam), while the Emirate threw their lot in with the Duchy of India (Romania). The Confederacy of India (Nationalists) were backed by an unknown power, so they did not surrender as quickly as expected.

After being overrun on both sides, the Confederacy of India collapsed and were annexed by both the Coalition and the Duchy. The Duchy managed to secure the most of India thanks to direct Romanian military assistance, however they also took the most casualties thanks to the Romanian policy of letting the Indians do most of the dangerous fighting. Meanwhile, the Coalition of India now has the largest and best equipped army thanks to Vietnamese financial assistance, but they hold much less land and industry than the Duchy. As the war rages, will the Vietnamese and Romanians be able to keep up the investment needed to win India? Or will their wars with Madagascar and Abbottsford take a higher priority?

[civil war intensifies]

Governments Remain Uninterested in the West African Border Conflicts:

“Nobody seems to care what happens in this part of the world” said an anonymous refugee fleeing the warzone. You think that at least someone in the Church of Goomy or the Holy Neko Empire would care about it, considering civilians on both sides have destroyed military and industrial installations. But it seems like they are busy with other things, both governments seem happy to leave the West Africans to their own devices. The West Africans on both sides are not happy about this in the slightest.

On both sides of the conflict, people feel like they have been abandoned by their governments who have not spared any real assistance to help them fight their little war. Additionally, political undesirables seem to flock to this area. Goomish rabble-rousers have left Europe to go to their West African colonies as it is much easier to “avoid the system” down there, this means that political groups have a large pool of new recruits to draw on. In West Neko, many of the most zealous Khajiit have migrated there to “crusade” against the Goomish. They are not pleased with recent pro-technology developments within the Empire, meaning anti-government sentiment has grown stronger. The Church of Goomy and the Holy Neko Empire have three options. They can attempt to work out a peace agreement that puts the border disputes to rest, they can start dedicating armies to a war with each other or they face the risk of East Africa slipping out of their grip.

-Both the Church of Goomy and the Holy Neko Empire lose 3 MIL and 1 ECO from civilian fighting.