IdIOT: Shock and Terror

[NinjaCow64]

~69 hours until soft lock

This is probably the closest thing you are getting to a 48 hour warning because I will be busy then so savour it

Also Argos is dropping so the UMC will disappear this turn.

 

[GenMarshall]

Irella Morituri enters Connie's Office...

Connie: (Looks up at her Secretary of Defense) Do you have any updates to bring to me?

Irellia: Yes I do my Imperatoress. (She begins to open up her briefcase containing a holoprojector and starts playing the holotapes). Just yesterday, our team of scientists have developed and constructed an array of shield generators across our lands. After our star cruiser captains have witnessed rainbow mushroom clouds happening in the Ponylands, we can only assume that they're weaponizing "the Care Bear Stare". We suspect that they're going to mount it on a satellite platform and use it to bombard their enemies. In response, we've developed a shield generator that has the ability to be networked to create a bubble of hard light that can withstand the power created by "the Care Bear Stare".

Connie: Good, and what about the potential of having them mount this onto their satellites.

Irellia: (Then pushes another button, with the image shown above displayed) We've started mass producing the titan guns that you and Morrigan used during your giantess exercise and started mounting them onto these stationary platforms. Mainly the plasma railgun that Morrigan used that day. We've constructed these on our coastal fronts as well as inside in our core territory. Using an old decommissioned Corellian Corvette, we've determined that the guns of the hypervelocity guns and reach into space and destroy any space target. We also found out using old delrect water ships, that it can be used in an anti-ship defense.

Connie: Good good, The better we defend our borders, the better.

Irellia: On the topic of coastal defense. We've started to mount battleship guns onto bunkers on our coastal and frontier borders. As well as...

Irellia: ...constructing a missile complex to launch missiles right into our enemies coming towards our shores.

Connie: Excellent, This would certainly keep the ponies at bay. keep me up to date for the defense for our land and our people.

Irellia: Will do.

 

[KaiserElectric]

Mecha-Neko Multi-Macho Mega Machines XOXO

Part 2: Making a Cat-Jarl Cry​

Ezri Zahmahni looked over the thick ream of paper, her large ears twitching as she perused through endless pages of spreadsheets and charts. Even with her limited knowledge in statistical analysis, it was intimately clear why this census report was important enough for her to have a copy of it.

"These changes certainly are...drastic," she stated at last. "I suspect you have a theory as to why the situation is looking like this?"

"I've isolated the direct cause of the severe changes to our demographics on page seventy six, m'lady," Financial Minister Kw'arq remarked. "Over the last year, the Sultanate has seen a surge of immigration from the East, mostly from this island nation called Japan. We expected some population growth after the construction of that canal with the ponies, but we weren't expecting numbers this great, or with this exact composition."

"But why here, and not Vietnam or somewhere else?" Ezri asked.

"I suspect these, er, 'Nekomimis', view the Sultanate with a sense of nationalistic pride. We are, after all, a nation led by humanoid cats, so it stands to reason that we would attract similar residents of this planet to our banner, be they actual beastfolk or just young girls with those damned headbands that like to make mewing noises."

"Charming," Ezri said, flipping back to the front pages. "Can the Sultanate handle the increased population?"

"I've been consulting with Minister R'ahm on the matter. Living space is not an issue, but our food stores could be effected. I recommend setting aside some of the trade revenue we've received from the canal in case we need to make an emergency purchase, just in case."

"I'll see to it at once," Ezri said offhand, squinting at a minuscule line of text. "Besides a food shortage, what other issues could we be facing?"

"Nothing overly negative. Most of the other changes are superficial, and for the most part the new wave of immigrants could be beneficial to the economy. Robotics industries and maid services in particular have expanded exponentially, though I suspect that law enforcement will have to deal with cases of public indecency much more often in the near future. Whether that's necessarily a bad thing depends on your point of view of course. I've found some of those outfits they parade around in to be highly er-"

"Minister, I'm not interested in hearing about the garments, or relative lack thereof, that the immigrant population is wearing. I have no time to deal with such frivolities."

"Lady Zahmahni!" a guard called from outside the throne room. "The servants have returned from the Nekomimi district with your order. They want to know where to put any extras in case all fifty don't fit in your closet."

"I don't care, just make sure they're all put away!" Ezri shouted, blushing beneath her light brown fir, whilst the diminutive Minister of Finance attempted to look as innocent as possible.

"Of course m'lady," the servant said. "Also, you have another visitor, the Emir Khanjstavir and his, er, entourage."

Ezri and Kw'arq exchanged raised eyebrows at the announcement before Ezri allowed him entrance. Immediately the grand hall was inundated by the sound of giggles and soft meowing, as the Emir approached the throne flanked by no less then twenty young women, all Nekomimis from the look of them, fawning over the tall, handsome nobleman, who did not exactly look pleased at the arrangement.

"Good morning Emir," the Sultana said, masking any hint of bemusement on her face while the Financial Minister shook with barely contained laughter. "I see you've been...keeping well."

"This is torment in every form," he remarked in his deep, lilting voice, causing a third of the girls to swoon at the sound of him. "I suspect that this is some cruel punishment by Mara."

"Who's this Mara lady, nya?" one of the Nekomimi's piped up.

"She's nyat going to steal Khanni-chun from us!" another one of them responded, prompting sounds of agreement and more affectionate cooing from the girls. Kw'arq interrupted the proceedings with a slight chuckle, removing a tiny package from his sleeve.

"Hey girls, I have a little gift for you," he announced, showing it off in front of the girls, all of whom turned to look at him, wide-eyed and nearly unblinking. With a casual toss over his shoulder, the entire group shrieked and dove for the little baggy, crashing in a scantily-clad heap on the floor some distance away.

The Emir looked on incredulously. "What in the world was-"

"Catnip," Kw'arq said with a toothy grin. "Human product. All sorts of wonderful uses for it. That's not going to last long, so I suggest you hurry up."

"Right," the Emir said, returning to his lilting tone. "Lady Sultana, alas I am not merely here for a social visit. I come for assistance in a matter most pressing. As we've all heard by now, the Viking empire has collapsed, and many claimants are fighting to win control of the region. One of which is my beloved Aslaug, who is currently waiting to depart for Denmark with her entourage, as well as a few choice mercenaries of my own."

"I see," Ezri confirmed, stroking her chin in thought. "And your plan is...?"

"As the humans would say, we will take the road less traveled. Most of the claimants will be going to war with one another, carving out states of the great Viking empire and butting heads with one another. As Aslaug's forces are not concentrated enough in one region, she intends to bide her time, build support among the populace, and seize power once the dust has settled and the major players lie bloodied on the field."

"Ah, Rule of Deposition #35," Kw'arq interjected. "Let your enemies fight, then cut the throat of the victor. Not a strategy I would expect from one of the Vikings, though."

"My beloved is a remarkably...flexible woman, my friend," Emir Khanjstavir said, a sly little grin on his face.

"So I take it you are asking for assistance, then?" Ezri said bluntly.

"My request is not unreasonable," the Emir said defensively. "Merely a few dozen of your shock troopers would suffice, as around them we could build-"

"Why send a few dozen hardened, skilled veterans of war," Ezri interrupted. "When you can simply send one to get the job done?" Emir Khanjstavir and Kw'arq were briefly confused by this statement, only for their jaws to drop when the realization dawned on them.

"You're not sending...HER, are you?" Kw'arq said incredulously. Ezri merely smiled, a cunning little grin that oozed confidence. Casually, she tapped the soul gem communicator on her arm which brought it humming to life.

"This is Sultana Zahmahni," she said into the communicator. "I have a new mission for the Witchhunter."

 

[SouthernKing]

I'm unfortunately dropping. I am literally contributing nothing to this game right now, and I really don't want my dead weight to drag down what promises to be a long-lasting and fun game.

 

[NinjaCow64]

~26.5 Hours Until Lock People

This is as close as you will get to a 24 Hour warning so yeah.

GET ORDERS IN

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

NC DE MlNILUV 0556 = 2TL = 176 = VMS LFH =

CRYEF CQZGH SGPDA YDSZF QWFXO IMXNI HYTSG GCNMM RZOCS MEMPA AZEMB ZAIVI VBQTU RZPJU TXAIF EBNIQ UMYRZ BGQCF POQOZ VBQCM RRXBA MDUVQ UHDHY AIQHT TTRBT ZVQZV IMUJK OOCNX TOQAY DUBIK MMAIF PJECD QRAYZ CNBQX STFZG P

2TL = 193 = UJA EDT =

AGNEU OQELW FFHWV YKQJW PTPLW RHUGK QGTMP TPRRB UKYZU UBIRI ERSXP ALHYS MTWUH YQUQO BIOBC ORMNE SDYFJ QESYR SOQSG AWAVA YKSZW KWPHI IRHPV QWEHF SVYXV DSGHF ICGJS DEONP KHSQH RMBYN BXFZX FFSDT AWBZN QFOXN LEULQ MEEWR MVVRA CSWZY JPA

 

[Omega124]

Claims here

 

[NinjaCow64]

Pink Fluffy Orders Lock

 

[KaiserElectric]

GM vult.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Link to video.​

Antonis Samaras, Nikos Papandreou, Alexis and the Old Man stood in the underground harbour, looking upon their terrible and powerful creation.

“Is this what you’ve been wasting all of my the peoples’ money on, Samaras?” Papandreou asked as he scratched his bottom. Both he and Alexis had been following the book that they got online to the letter, but they still hadn’t gotten the hang of it yet.

“Apparently, said Samaras “I’ve got no idea what it is, the Old Man didn’t want me to supervise too closely. What in the name of the Union is it?”

“One billion guns.” said the Old Man “One hundred million nuclear missiles. Ten million soldiers, all of them trained Jedi. And a million X-wings to boot. This my friends, or comrades, is a reproduction of the very super carrier that Byzantine Emperor Andreas Laskaris used to conquer the known universe: The Basil Class Supercarrier.”

“That doesn’t sound very communist.” muttered Samaras grumpily.

“Only the dark magicks of Islam used by the Ottomans” said the Old Man as he spat in disgust “Could defeat this ultimate Imperial Sigil. But now I have sealed that dark magic up into the grand vaults of powergaming, nothing can defeat this ultimate weapon.”

“Premier!” shouted Pol Pot as he ran screaming into the room “The rebels, they are ungenocidable! I tried everything, gases, machetes even forcing them to listen to modern pop music! But the power of Capitalism is too strong! Also the room is flooding for some reason.”

“…why is the room flooding?” asked Samaras.

“It is the sign!” said the Old Man “The waters of madness will be the heralds of global domination!” The other four men in the room shrugged at each other and started walking towards the ramp.

“For the Union” the four of them sang out in unison “With this Supercarrier we will bring communism to everyone except those who we genocide all!”

“For the Emp-” The Old Man coughed. Those years were behind him now, he served a new master and they had slightly different customs he would have to follow.

“For the Union” said Old Man Mathamalus as grinned and walked onto the Supercarrier.

Link to video.​

“I’m bored,” said Empress Shi as she looked upon her hellscape. It had taken less time to prepare the hellscape than she originally thought, mindless drones are very effective worker bees considering that is the only thing they can do. She was wearing her exotic red dress, trying to reinforce the theme of Luciferina and this was fun for a while. But the real entertainment hadn’t started yet.

“Maybe something interesting is happening in the Philippines…” she said as she put her mind to that area. Suddenly, her mind became filled with lesbian erotica, the image of giant women eating defenceless civilians while pleasuring each other. She groaned in ecstasy as she fell on the ground, her hands frantically scraping her dress off from her hot skin as even the slightest touch gave her the greatest pleasure.

“No…” she said after five minutes of pure ecstasy “…this isn’t…argh!” With all of her collected mental might, she pushed through the erotic thoughts and broke herself out of her spell.

“Mental feedback…” she muttered “Some monkeys must have been playing with my psychic amplifiers. Let’s see what else they are up to.” Shi extended her mind out towards the Philippines, where she witnessed her first Giantess get shot down by a coalition of forces.

“Hmm,” she said “The Mysterians, Nova Terra and despicable Abbot. I knew those insects were plotting against me, I’m glad I prepared for this.” Shi filled her body with telekinetic energy and aimed it towards the islands.

“FOR IF I CANNOT HAVE THE PHILIPIPINES” she screamed, her voice echoing out of every Japanese man, woman and child “NO ONE CAN!”

Link to video.​

“Atta boys!” shouted Manly Dan from his captain’s boat as he watched the Gnome Army tear off the head of the Giantess. “We’re beating them! Nothing can stand in our way!”

“Something feels off though…” he muttered to himself “This is too easy.” as he was about to reach for his communicator to share his concerns with the Nova Terran and Australian leaders, he heard a mesmerizing voice come from his head.

“FOR IF I CANNOT HAVE THE PHILIPIPINES” screamed Empress Shi “NO ONE CAN!” Moments later, her telekinetic pulse hit the island, activating the nuclear weapons hid by her earlier. Manly Dan watched in horror as the Philippines sank into the ocean and spawned a massive tsunami.

“Fallback!” he screamed into the communicator “This is the time for an unmanly retreat!” As the tsunami ploughed into the ships directly in front of him, the world turned white…

 

[GenMarshall]

Spoiler Image is HUGE! :

Connie Marshall, with Inquisitor Tym Nightshade, rampaging the Philipines​

In Kyoto, Japan (Written by NinjaCow64)

“I’m bored,” said Empress Shi as she looked upon her hellscape. It had taken less time to prepare the hellscape than she originally thought, mindless drones are very effective worker bees considering that is the only thing they can do. She was wearing her exotic red dress, trying to reinforce the theme of Luciferina and this was fun for a while. But the real entertainment hadn’t started yet.

“Maybe something interesting is happening in the Philippines…” she said as she put her mind to that area. Suddenly, her mind became filled with lesbian erotica, the image of giant women eating defenceless civilians while pleasuring each other. She groaned in ecstasy as she fell on the ground, her hands frantically scraping her dress off from her hot skin as even the slightest touch gave her the greatest pleasure.

“No…” she said after five minutes of pure ecstasy “…this isn’t…argh!” With all of her collected mental might, she pushed through the erotic thoughts and broke herself out of her spell.

“Mental feedback…” she muttered “Some monkeys must have been playing with my psychic amplifiers. Let’s see what else they are up to.” Shi extended her mind out towards the Philippines, where she witnessed her first Giantess get shot down by a coalition of forces.

“Hmm,” she said “The Mysterians, Nova Terra and despicable Abbot. I knew those insects were plotting against me, I’m glad I prepared for this.” Shi filled her body with telekinetic energy and aimed it towards the islands.

“FOR IF I CANNOT HAVE THE PHILIPIPINES” she screamed, her voice echoing out of every Japanese man, woman and child “NO ONE CAN!”

Back in the Phillipines

Link to video.​

Connie takes notices at Shi's Giantess as she hovers her foot above them "Who's the giantess now!", then she proceeds to stomp on them before twisting the balls of her feet to turn them into mushy paste. Just as two Lancer-Class Missile Space Cruisers loom above her forces providing cover and firepower with Connie's Flagship, the Faolchú making a direct hit at one of Shi's giantesses. "They never expected that we come in and the three of us size shift, dwarfing Shi's giantesses".

"TANGO SPOTTED" Shouted one of Connie's troops as he points to one of Shi's Giantesses. With the ground forces opening fire while Connie takes a quick aim with her God-Splitter to strike at the nape of Shi's Giantess.

"That's one rouge angel down" Connie said confidently. "What's the results from our rampage?"

Just a few yards, Morrigan was just finishing up stomping on the industrial center and throwing Shi's Giantesses to the ground "Well, I think I've just done enough damage to this factory to slow their recovery". Then she picks up two of Shi's Giantesses and holds them like dolls "As for these two". She brings them close together and starts imitating Dolfy and Empress Shi's voices "I love you too Shi, omnomnomnomnom (Imitating kissing noises), kiss kiss kiss" She starts bringing the two smaller giantesses togeather to make them kiss each other "I want you to be my pizza man, Dolfy." Then she starts banging the two giantesses together "Slobber slobber slobber!"

Lilith then opens radio contact "Hey Connie and sis, I just wanted to let you know that I've rampaged and destroyed their oil refinery" then notices Morrigan playing with the two Shi's Giantesses in the middle of a ruined factory "What are you doing?"

Morrigan then turns Lilith, holding up the two smaller giantesses in her hands "They love each other very much!! See!" then looks at the two smaller giantesses clutched in her hands "and Empress Shi want to break up with Dolfy cause he's a poo poo head." Then she tosses them to the ground "Join me sis, and stomp on them!"

Lilith joins in the stomping "Yay!! This is fun!".

Meanwhile in The Untergang Bunker in some other parts of the internet

Gunsche enters Hitler's Office, then informs him about Morrigan's shipping of Dolfy and Empress Shi "Morrigan Aensland wants to ship you with Empress Shi. I saw it happening in NinjaCow's IdIOT".

Hitler, baffled at the news then looks at Gunsche with annoyance "Why would anyone want to ship me with that control freak?! It's like shipping Stalin with Yuri! I wouldn't want to be caught dead with her. Das Fudge! I already have people trying to ship me with Fegelein! Stop wasting time on searching for shippings of me and watch for Fegelein's antics!" he then gets up from his chair and starts slamming his fist on his desk "FEGELEIN! FEGELEIN!! FEGELEIN!!!!"

Back in the War Zone

Connie then smells the air "Ahh, there's nothing like a smell of napalm in the morning. Abbott's Penal Battalion is certainly doing a number at Shi's Giantesses". Connie looks at a distance as Shi's Giantess eats a squad from Abbott's Penal Battalion, before turning green and keeling over.

"Let's have em at it boys!" Shouted Manly Dan as he flags his troops to advance "Show those giant women what were made of". Then looks at Connie, Morrigan, and Lilith "Cept for them, they're on our side".

A RobCo Robot rolls around with Lord Abbott's face on the monitor "Yes, excellent, all is going to plan. Onward my men. Win your freedom!" then he thinks to himself "not!".

Inquisitor Tym started to feel the disturbance in the Force "She's starting to resist my 'Jedi Mind Tricks'." He then closes his eyes to meditate to extend his force powers "I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of Japanese voices suddenly cried out 'no one can'. I sense something terrible is going to happen".

Connie turns to the Inquisitor "Oh what's Shi going to do? Put up a temper tantrum that makes Hitler's Rants civil?".

"No, more like" Tym senses more disturbances in the force "emit a force telekinesis pulse in our direction".

Connie then receives a radio message from Abbott's forces on the fate of the rest of the Philipine Islands facing a nuclear detonation "Oh Sithspit!", then she proceeds to activate her ward to brace for the incoming psychic attack then turns to Morrigan, Lilith, and Admiral Otis "Get every coalition forces to safety! I'm not letting them drown on my watch!" then turns to her star cruisers "Fortunately, our naval forces are immune to Shi's little psychic tsunami" then turns her attention to Abbott's and Mystery Nation's ships "Yet....the rest of the coalition forces are water navy!"

"I'll grab the vessels" cried out Morrigan as she frantically shields the coalition force's Navy and transports.

"Gee, who knew that Empress Shi was a baby" Lilith said as shields the other coalition force's Navy

Connie, stood at the coast line, with her arms held forward as she maintains her ward to divert the tsunami "This witch's got nothing!

Meanwhile, in orbit above Japan. Aboard the Star Dreadnought Ragnarok

A petty officer races down the aisle way of the bridge (Think of the interior of the Imperial Star Destroyer), then stands at attention in front of Grand Admiral Otis "Sir, we have development down on the surface. Empress Shi has retaliated against the coalition forces with some...psychic attack that detonated nukes on the island and caused a tsunami!"

"I've received word from Connie herself that our space cruisers and destroyers are to prepare themselves to extract the coalition forces" Otis turns to the monitors "Though I never expected this to happen."

"Sir, what is our next objectives" Caption Johnson remarked as he salutes to the Grand Admiral

"Considering protocols, we'd blast the..." Looks at his electronic clipboard "...Empire of the Rising Sun into oblivion by opening fire with our missiles and railguns. I've recived word from Connie that we should stand down and await further instructions. Until then, we park within firing range of Shi's Empire and out of her psychic range." The Admrial then gives a small smerk "'psychic', more like psychotic."

Across the ship, gunners mates and their officers scramble across the ship's hallways to get into their positions. Readying themselves at a moments notice for the code to be given, Local Base Delta Zero - Localized Extermanatus.

Back at the War Zone

The deluge from the incoming Tsunami crash right into Connie's Ward. Diverting the tsunami waters away from the coalition forces. Morrigan and Lilith, each with an armfull of Coalition forces. Nova Terra's forces started to board into their shuttles and started evacuating the island and into Nova Terra's star cruisers. As the tsunami rolls pass them, Connie then lowers her ward and turns to the coalition forces. She, Morrigan, and Lilith size shift down to their normal selves. Connie then asks "Is everyone alright?"

"I never expected that to happen" said Manly Dan as he adjusts his fez "This is quite a strange reaction from her".

"We've done our duty here, now lest pull back and regroup" Connie said as she glances up towards the north.

"Never, have I seen anyone as strong in the force, yet acts like a teenager" Tym said as he observes his surroundings.

"Well, there was that Anakin kid who became Darth Vader" Morrigan said as she boards the shuttle bound for Connie's cruiser.

"True, true, but we don't dwell on that little incident. Too many bad memories and YouTube flamewars on that subject" Replied Tym "It's best that we.....don't bring it up". Tym boards the shuttle and plays in I don't want to set the world on fire by the Inkspots

The shuttles containing Nova Terra's forces then begin to ascend to the Star Cruisers and begin boarding them. Then one by one, the flotilla of Nova Terra's ships of star cruisers and destroyers, As well as a star carrier, started to make their way south with the remainder of Abbott's and Mystery's forces that were not hit by the tsunami.

Link to video.​

 

[GenMarshall]

Extra extra!! Hot off the presses. The Philippine Crisis....In Polandball form!

 

[Civ'ed]

"Tell me Stereotypical Modern Pirate Made Popular By Far Cry 3, what does this even mean?"
"Well, Lah, looks like some planes just don't work?"
"No, no, no."
"hm-?"
"things that shoot *back*!"
"Lah I don't understand."
"Well I do. Here."
a design was laid out:

"But Lah, that's a tiny gun!"
"Not if we upsize it and make it fire molotovs."
"But lah, isn't that going to harm the gun?"
"We have ponies running around."
"Point."

 

[NinjaCow64]

WAR UPDATE


Link to video.​

The Philippines War – Operation Dr Doolittle

The reaction to the Invasion of the Philippines was swift. The Mystery Nation negotiated a coordinated attack against the Empire of the Rising Sun with Abbotsford and Nova Terra, both nations presumably concerned about the unchecked aggression of Empress Shi and her terrifying psychic powers.

16 Australian penal legions, 10 Mysterious irregular regiments and 27 Nova Terran battalions with air and space support marched to the Philippines with the goal of destroying any gain that the Japanese could gain out of the islands. They quickly wiped out the lone giantess and the small mind controlled garrison that guarded the island.

However, Empress Shi had foreseen their plans and had planned an elaborate trap. By planting nuclear weapons in all the right places in the volcanoes that litter Philippines, Shi gained the ability to sink the islands into the ground. She sprung the trap on the unsuspecting Coalition forces just after they thought victory had been secured.

Six Australian penal legions perished on the island as they were the first on the island. Four Mysterious irregular regiments were destroyed on their ships. Nova Terra lost the least amount of soldiers as most of their forces were deployed far above the range of the tsunami, however they lost three battalions during the chaos of the rescue operations.

The destruction of the Philippines has caused a series of disasters around the globe, wrecking large parts of the world’s economy and displacing millions. The initial tsunami itself destroyed at least two governments and possibly a third. The Cholan Jakarta and India was hit especially hard which has destroyed any form of functional government in the region. Also the United Mycinoid Cultures were like the aliens from Signs (SPOILER ALERT THEY DIED TO WATER HOW STUPID WAS THAT?) so they all died. The Church of the Second Messiah disappeared mysteriously as they appeared, although if this was related to the tsunami is unknown.

Although Operation Dr Doolittle was a colossal failure, the Coalition did indirectly achieve their goal of ruining the Japanese economy. By spending almost all of the Empire’s resources on transforming the Philippines into a death trap and by turning Japan into a hellish fortress, Empress Shi has ruined the Japanese economy. Will the combined efforts of the anti-Japan Coalition be able to break into this fortress or will Empress Shi go unpunished for her many crimes?

-Abbotsford, The Mystery Nation, Nova Terra and Japan lose 6, 4, 3 and 2 MIL respectively in causalities.
-Almost every nation in the world loses 3 ECO from national disasters
-The United Mycinoid Cultures, The Second Cholan Empire and The Church of the Second Messiah are all of dead
-Japan loses 10 ECO, but gains 5 MIL and a bonus to defence

The Philippines War – Canadian Front

Another front was opened in the Philippines War against the Coalition. The UKIP-Pirate Condomium, with their legendary hate of continentals, decided to “liberate” the islands off the coast of Canada from Mysterious “oppression”. This was probably coordinated with Shi as the timing was too perfect otherwise.

The Mysterious National Guard bravely defended against the Pirate attacks. Although they were caught by surprise, due to series of brilliant tactical manoeuvres the Mysterians managed to sink 6 Pirate fleets while only losing 3 of theirs. However, they still lost all of their islands to the Pirates and Canada is currently blockaded by them.

All members involved in the Philippines War could be effected by this unexpected turn of events. The Mystery Nation may have to redeploy forces from the Japanese back to the homeland, which increases the chance of Shi’s victory over Coalition forces. And UKIP could press the advantage against the Mystery Nation hard, will they put aside their hate of the mainland to expand their empire? And it is possible that other nations could prey upon Mysterian weakness at the same time, such as the jingoistic Zeus Systems or the infamous Goomish raiders. Whatever happens, one thing is certain. The Philippines War has just become a lot more bloody.

-Mystery Nation lost 3 MIL and UKIP-Pirates lost 6 MIL in casualties
-UKIP-Pirates plundered 1 ECO and destroyed another. ARRR!

Collapse of the USSR:

Jerusalem, seemingly fed up with the cruelty of the USSR, has finally intervened. Pope Celestine VI declared a Crusade for Constantinople and Catholic armies approached Constantinople (or Istanbul or Samaragrant. By Saber, how many names can one city have?) from all directions.

On their march they expected fierce resistance, however what they encountered instead was fleeing rebel armies. Almost the entire population of the USSR had turned against the central government, with two governments filling the power vacuum. The United States of the Balkans is led by reincarnation of Alexander the Great (Rider/Zero you are a great servant ;_; ) who used his Iranian Hentai Ionioi Hetairoi to repopulate Macedonia. All the Balkan peoples really love all the Balkan people so they happily agreed to unite under the racially harmonious USB. The other nation that has spawned out of the collapsed USSR is the New Ottoman Empire, led by a sentient Ottoman. They are Sunni, but they are totes tolerant like.

A vast majority of the Soviet’s army defected to one of these two powers, these two armies marched towards Samaragrant with the intention to…make love with their former leaders. However, they did not expect the overwhelming force of the Basil Class Supercarrier, which decimated their forces. The two forces lost 11 battalions in total, while they were barely even able to scratch the paint of the Supercarrier (it is at 98% structural integrity).

During the fighting, a missile was fired at Jerusalem and hit the hotel that was hosting the Seuz Conference, which contained diplomats from Nova Terra, Elsweyr, the Mystery Country and (of course) Jerusalem. The conference, which was formed to discuss the future of the world’s two major canals, was cut short by the missile. While no one died, some unimportant characters were heavily injured. Whether this is was an intentional attack or an accident is unknown. Either way Jerusalem, and possibly the world, will have to find a way to stop this mad government and their overpowered boat.

-Two New Independent NPCs: United States of the Balkans and the New Ottoman Empire
-Stat Changes: The USSR now has 5 ECO, 98 MIL and 0 POL. They used to have 100 MIL, but they lost 2 in the war. And yes, the 98 MIL is the collective power of one Basil Class Supercarrier.

Asian Civil War:

In slightly less dramatic news, the Asian Civil War has come to a quick and brutal end. The first faction in the war to collapse was the Pysch Faction, who found out that they could not survive on non-existent psychic energy and died of starvation. The UMC Faction died soon after, inheriting the UMC’s weakness to tsunamis.

The Human Faction fared a lot better, with support from the United States of Vietnam they wiped out a majority of the “Hobbits” with minimal casualties. Apparently the Hobbits are extremely vulnerable to napalm, who would know? The confidence boost that this gave the Vietnamese Vets, especially after the hell that was 'Nam, was enormous.

With the destruction of almost all the Hobbits, the remaining ones were unable to form a proper psychic field for nourishment so they were forced to accept the “loving” embrace of Empress Shi. As thus a large portion of what is now the Far Eastern Asian Republic defected to Japan.

Although the Asian Civil War is technically over with the almost complete eradication of the Hobbits, border clashes between pro-Vietnamese forces and the Japanese are still happening. These border clashes could escalate, thrusting Vietnam into the Philippines War. This is unless the Vietnam and Japan come to some sort of arrangement.

-New NPC: Far Eastern Asian Republic (FEAR), Vietnamese Puppet
+5% Stability for Vietnam
-Japan gets some more of Asia

Scandinavian Civil War:

On the other end of the Earth, the Scandinavian Civil War was much more intense. Larry "The Happy" of Munsö and Lenin "The Peoples' Hero" of Munsö were swiftly defeated by Toste "The Holy" of Munsö. Lenin was killed by a stray arrow, which completely demoralized the communist faction and caused its collapse. Larry was captured and executed, but even in painful death he reported that he was still happy.

Erik “The Heathen” of Munsö also left the war, but luckily for him it was not in a casket. Celestine VI requested that Erik leave the war and head to the USSR to participate in the Crusade for Constantinople. He has done exactly that and he has taken most of his Catholic followers with him. His armies have reached Bosnia, where he has declared the formation of the Varangian Guard. Although it is open to non-Catholics, very few people have joined the Varangian Guard that are not Catholic, Ponies or Catholic Ponies. Nevertheless, it is a small but elite fighting force that may provide much needed assistance to the Crusade for Constantinople.

Ed "The Salty Sea Dog" of Munsö was defeated at the hands of Max "The Other Heathen" of Munsö and his Goomish allies. Without UKIP assistance, the Pirate Faction was defeated by the raw elemental the power of many, many Pokemon. This battle secured Denmark for Max, however it destroyed what little industry was left in the region.

Meanwhile, thanks to shrewd business deals and backroom deals secured by Zek "The Golden" of Munsö and his Mysterious allies, Zek has managed to secure Finland. Problem is that Finland doesn’t really have much going for it, nor does Zek have a large army. Considering the trouble that his overlord is in, rumour has it that Zek is hoping (with Mysterious permission of course) to eke out some sort of deal with the other factions in the war.

Toste was the strongest faction in the war managing to secure Sweden, the richest part of the Empire. However, he was not prepared for the powerful Khajiit Witchhunter. Only one Viking survived combat with her, he was last seen running towards Denmark screaming incoherently about pineapples. After she killed Toste and his major allies by burning down his buildings, Aslaug "The Furry" of Munsö and her husband came with a large army of mercenaries which killed all those who did not swear fealty to them in the region. With minimal bloodshed, Aslaug has managed to claim the jewel of the Empire. However, her and Toste’s dishonourable actions have disillusioned many of the Vikings away from the Norse faith. Most of these converts have converted to the Church of Goomy, believing it to be a religion of strength. Because of this, Denmark has a much larger army than Sweden. Will the cunning of the Khajiit be able to overcome the might of the combined Goomish forces?

New NPCs: Sweden (Khajiit Puppet), Denmark (Goomish Puppet) and Finland (Mystery Puppet)

 

[NinjaCow64]

From: United States of the Balkans, New Ottoman Empire
To: Jerusalem

Religion differences aside, we can all agree that we have to stop this damned boat. Can we agree to an alliance for the duration of the war?

From: Finland
To: The Mystery Country

We would like to ask for permission to seek peace with the other Scandinavian civil war participants so we can help you with your Pirate problem.

From: Zulu-Boerland
To: Anti-Japanese Coalition

That tsunami really hurt. Where do we sign up our (admittedly pathetic) army to take part in getting back at these Japs?

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Dang it, NC, I was gonna use that song.

 

[Omega124]

SHIBUSTERS!

If there's something strange in your island chain,
Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!
If there's something weird and you want it slain,
Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!

I'm afraid of no psychic!
I'm afraid of no psychic!

If you seeing things running through your head,
Who can you call?
SHIBUSTERS!
A psychic girl brainwashing Ted,
Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!

I'm afraid of no psychic!
I'm afraid of no psychic!

Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!
If you want some fun, pick up a gun, and fire
SHIBUSTERS!

I'm afraid of no psychic!
I heard she likes the lead...
I'm afraid of no psychic!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!

You have psychics, freaky psychics
You better call,
SHIBUSTERS!

BUSTING MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!

I'm afraid of no psychic!
I'm afraid of no psychic!

Don't get caught alone, oh no!
SHIBUSTERS!
When you got some at your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
SHIBUSTERS!

Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!
Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!

Think you better call
SHIBUSTERS!
Who are you going to call?
SHIBUSTERS!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL?
SHIBUSTERS!!

LOUDER!
SHIBUSTERS!!

WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL?
SHIBUSTERS!!

WHO CAN YOU CALL?
SHIBUSTERS!!"
--Song written by the Marines 7th Recon "Blue Falcons" after numerous engagements with Japanese forces on the FEAR borders, often dubbed "Shibusters"

---

-USV Marines recruitment poster

 

[Terran Empress]

From: United States of the Balkans, New Ottoman Empire
To: Jerusalem

Religion differences aside, we can all agree that we have to stop this damned boat. Can we agree to an alliance for the duration of the war?

We are willing to Sign a Cease Fire until the super carrier is taken out, we can renegotiate once the bigger threat is taken care of.

I will not have Jerusalem fall once again because of smaller squabbles between those who should be allied against a greater threat.

-Princess Starshine Thunder

 

[NinjaCow64]

Unfortunately the update is going to take longer than I thought. Updates will probably take longer in the future as well due to Uni starting up again. Don't worry, this game isn't going anywhere, it will just be a bit slower is all.

Also Hard Lock

 

[NinjaCow64]

UPDATE THREE – 3003 A.D

STATS


Link to video.​

Spoiler :

Panic and Pain in the Philippines War:

What started as a small conflict in the Philippines has ballooned into a worldwide disaster. The cataclysmic natural disasters that have plagued the world after the destruction of the islands have finally finished, however they have caused many deaths, caused worldwide population displacement and severely damaged the world’s economy.

The Anti-Japan Coalition must regroup after the disaster at the Philippines and rebuild their forces after their defeat. The nation that was effected the most by the calamity was Canada, who also must deal with the surprise attack from the UKIP-Pirate Condomium and the economic fallout from their blockade. New recruits are flocking to recruitment stations to defend their homes, however organizing an effective defence may be difficult considering that many of their senior government officials are indisposed.

Mabel is currently visiting her injured diplomatic staff in hospital after the Jerusalem missile incident and Manly Dan is busy attempting to restore the morale of his troops after their loss in the Pacific and his near death. The Artic Expedition did not find any Imperial Sigils, partially because they were busy avoiding pirate patrols. They did find a talking penguin with inexplicable comedic timing, however all attempts at capturing him were met with failure. And Tambry and Robert, after seeing whatever was on that USB, have started a cult in the mountains worshipping a certain anime girl. Hundreds have joined their compound where they produce ludicrous amounts of artwork dedicated to their goddess. At least they are happy, which is more than can be said for the Continentals now under UKIP’s rule, who are now being gunned down by the Pirate’s new sentry gun technology. Stanford Pines faces more difficult choices if his nation is going to make it through this war intact.

In better news for the Anti-Japan Coalition, Vietnam has officially joined the war on their side, with aggressive recruitment campaigns and the morale high from their recent overwhelming victory bolstering the Vietnamese armed forces. Also the Nova Terran anti-giantess tactics and technologies have proven very successful on the field. However, the Anti-Japanese Coalition still have many challenges to overcome if they are going to breach the fortress that is now Japan.

-Mystery Country Loses 1 ECO from Blockades and gains 2 MIL from new recruits
-Nova Terra, UKIP-Pirates, Abbotsford and Vietnam gain 1 MIL each from military technology and new recruits
-Japan gets their 10 ECO points back, but they are now in $75 debt, more on this in the GM notes

Trouble in the Mediterranean

The USSR has completely collapsed, however the former leaders now have control of a dangerously powerful Imperial Sigil, the Basil Class Aircraft Carrier. Jerusalem has formed a coalition of former Soviet countries with the intention of defending their newly gained territories from Soviet aggression. Soon, more countries may join this coalition due to the Soviet’s attack on a building filled with diplomats from many countries. Could this war spark something larger, or perhaps act as fuel to enlarge another global conflict?

-Jerusalem gains 1 MIL]

Canal Crisis Calms Down:

Stockbroker worldwide breathed a collective sigh of relief, as the canal crisis seems to have calmed down. Although the Jerusalem conference was attacked, the powers involved in the dispute seem to have backed down somewhat. This is probably mainly because most of those involved have larger things to worry about. Although trade between Nova Terrans and Ponies is still outlawed, the Ponies having access to both canals allows them to ship their saccharine products around the globe. Both powers where slightly intimidated by the presence of the Khajiit at the conference, whose covert agencies have become notorious after their actions in Scandinavia.

-Nova Terra, Jerusalem and the Elsweyr Sultanate gain 1 ECO each from trade
-Elsweyr gains 2 POL from their powerful spies

“Elections” in the United States Prove Unpopular:

Blatantly rigged elections in the United States under the dominion of Zeus Systems, which almost now control the whole country. These elections were extremely unpopular in newly-occupied lands in the East Coast, who took the rigged elections as rubbing salt in a newly opened wound. Despite vague promises of liberalization of the government, the people feel cheated and are starting to demand independence, or failing that at least a greater say in the government. East Coast Unions organized a string of strikes in protest of Zeus Systems, which has led to the disruption of the local economy and delayed production of new military technology.

The people of the Western United States were much better behaved as they were used to Zeus System’s unusual operating procedures and actually welcomed their new robotic overlords. However, depending how Zeus Systems reacts to the Eastern State’s misbehaviour may influence the West’s opinion of them.

-Zeus Systems gains 2 MIL from new military technology and loses 2 ECO from union actions

Nothing Much Happens in Pysch Nation or Byelorussia:

What a surprise.

-[tumbleweed intensifies]

The Great WMD Race Begins:

In light of the recent destruction of the Philippines, nations from around the world are desperately trying to replicate the weaponry that made it possible. Humanity, and other species, are starting to walk down a dangerous road that has led to ruin many times before. However, Pandora’s box has been opened and there is no turning back now. All there is left to do is weep.

Oh Saber, what have I done…?

-NEW MECHANIC UNLOCKED: WMDs

GM NOTES:

1 – WMDs: WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) are extremely powerful, one-use weapons that can destroy the very land that you stand upon. They cost $100 to research, once you have researched it you may give/trade this information to other powers. MIL, ECO and POL points can be sacrificed to contribute to the research, each point sacrificed lowers the cost of research by $5. It costs $10 to construct one WMD. WMDs have three uses; Offense, Defence and Tactical. Offensively used WMDs will sink provinces and cause massive damage in the target nation. Defensively used WMDs are able to eliminate one WMD that is used against your nation or one of your ally’s. WMDs that are used Tactically provide a bonus to your combat rolls. RP-wise, WMDs can be anything that do massive damage and cost a lot to build. As of now, only Japan has the capacities to build a WMD. The USSR automatically gains one WMD per turn from the Basil Class cruiser.

2 – Reus is in debt because he technically used a WMD last turn and poured money into research. As he didn’t know about this, I have allowed him to go into debt. He must either find the money to cover his costs somehow or sacrifice a total of 15 MIL or ECO points (or a combination of the two) or bad things will happen.

3 – Just to check who is reading these things, if you include the word “Ladle” in bold in your orders PM this turn you will gain an extra dollar. Whoopie for you.

4 – Just because you think you are a in a bad situation, don’t panic! Everyone is in a perfectly winnable situation this turn, I assure you. Good luck, space cowpersons!