The Very-Many-Questions-Not-Worth-Their-Own-Thread Thread XLI

[Lemon Merchant]

My rule is nothing outside of ten years and no one under thirty. (unless she's 25, really hot, and wants to dance or something)

But for relationships, no one under thirty.

 

[Birdjaguar]

My rule is nothing outside of ten years and no one under thirty. (unless she's 25, really hot, and wants to dance or something)

But for relationships, no one under thirty.

Will it be no one under 31 next year?

 

[Lemon Merchant]

Will it be no one under 31 next year?

Smart guy.

No I have one more year left, then it's 31.

 

[Takhisis]

My rule is nothing outside of ten years and no one under thirty. (unless she's 25, really hot, and wants to dance or something)

That rule unironically should be applicable to me. The availability of women in general remains a bit of a problem at present, though.

 

[Snerk]

That rule unironically should be applicable to me. The availability of women in general remains a bit of a problem at present, though.

The womenfolk gone left the village?

 

[Takhisis]

Well, since this is the questions thread I have to answer.

The problem is that I've been stuck with my smother for the last year and a half.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Well, since this is the questions thread I have to answer.

The problem is that I've been stuck with my smother for the last year and a half.

And the problem is...? She won't let you date? She insists on chaperoning your dates?

 

[JohannaK]

Smart guy.

No I have one more year left, then it's 31.

Oh I'll never catch up.

 

[EgonSpengler]

I've also been hanging around with some Erasmus exchange students last year, and man, they'd fall under that limit, and I did actually feel old.

Yeah, I don't know if that guideline of "½+7" has much utility for me, because I can't see myself dating anyone that young anyway.

Anyway, it may be moot, because once I got past 30-32 myself, I got really bad at estimating other people's ages. I don't even try anymore. I can't even create some kind of 'sliding scale' for myself, to adjust for my inability to judge people's ages. Some people turn out to be older than I think they are, some younger. I can discern children and elderly people, and everyone in between is just a blur. But maybe that's alright. Do we necessarily share cultural references, interests and/or experiences with people our own age anymore? Being in the company of people in our own age cohort may not have the same value it once did. I'd be taken aback to find myself chatting up a woman who turned out to be in her 20s, but feeling a little foolish might be the only consequence (actually telling her that I thought she was in her 30s would be worse, I suppose ).

 

[Arakhor]

Oh I'll never catch up.

Well, it'll probably take a decade, but you will. Never fear!

 

[Samson]

Well, it'll probably take a decade, but you will. Never fear!

Catching up in age is a difficult thing to do without a very fast spaceship (for the other person).

 

[Arakhor]

Indeed, but when the formula only needs Johanna to age at half the rate Lemon does, there's more than enough time.

 

[Synobun]

I largely don't think age matters, in that I see no reason to have a rule about it beyond "not a kid, you weirdo."

I do admit that I question the motivations of large age gaps, though. Humans are individuals, to be sure, but age groups tend to align with certain lifestyles and "stages of life." There is something unique involved in a relationship between people who are statistically in completely different categories of living. In my observations, that "uniqueness" is often something negative: predatory behaviour, lifestyle chasing, compensation, making up for a character failing, etc.

It is not impossible for there to be an earnest relationship with a significant gap, especially as the baseline age gets older (less difference between 40/60 than there is between 20/40). But it does seem to be the exception.

For myself, I've almost always trended older (up to 8 years) or younger (up to 6 years). The younger is something I'm "growing out of," largely because I become attracted to younger people due to potential instead of who they currently are, and that's almost always a losing bet. It's rare that I develop a connection with someone of similar age. I'm not sure why; possibly too much comparison between our lives. It's easier to feel poorly about where I am in life if I'm pursuing someone of equal age who is more advanced.

 

[H4run]

For myself, I've almost always trended older (up to 8 years) or younger (up to 6 years). The younger is something I'm "growing out of," largely because I become attracted to younger people due to potential instead of who they currently are, and that's almost always a losing bet. It's rare that I develop a connection with someone of similar age. I'm not sure why; possibly too much comparison between our lives. It's easier to feel poorly about where I am in life if I'm pursuing someone of equal age who is more advanced

Like you said, when the age line get older the differences become less and less significant. There are 6 years different between me and my wife, I think this can be my first relationship with someone younger than me, afaik, all of my relationship are with someone older, either months older or years, but I feel my wife is the mature side within this relationship, perhaps due to my upbringing and reckless nature. I never feel even a moment that I'm partnered with someone younger than me with her.

But this rule and personal experience of mine, cannot be use as a reference to build a certain standard formula for relationship, and why limit ourselves on something that's not inherently bad? If it's within the spectrum of adulthood, and both party are agree, they can have the relationship.

There are lots of factor that form our pattern of choosing our life partner, and it cannot be formulized to some limited spectrum due to some arbitrary reason that is further utilize to judge ourselves or others.

*shrug.

 

[Takhisis]

And the problem is...? She won't let you date? She insists on chaperoning your dates?

Oh, no, we're just locked in here.

All.
The.
Time.

 

[Cutlass]

Taken from the movies thread:




I remember years ago it was said that the youngest woman a man should date was half his own age, plus 7 years. So a 14-year-old boy could date a 14-year-old girl; a 30-yr-old man could date a 23-yr-old woman; a 50-yr-old man could date a 32-yr-old woman; etc.

That was in the '90s, for men who dated women. Does this rule-of-thumb still work today? Is there any such rule-of-thumb for men who date men, or for women, whoever they date?

It was never clear to me why the formulation existed in the first place. Maybe it was mostly for younger guys? I actually did date an 18-yr-old when I was 22. At the time, I felt like I was immature for my age and she was mature for hers, but maybe that was more typical of our peer group than it felt like it was to me. Maybe a 22-yr-old guy dating an 18-yr-old woman isn't particularly noteworthy.

Is there an age gap in a partner, or just in a date, that would make you feel self-conscious?

p.s. Another thing that made me think of this, in addition to the exchange above, was reading an article about the actress Florence Pugh, age 25, who's been getting some stick on social media for dating Zach Braff, age 44. Of maybe he's the one who's been getting the grief. Either way, it's social media, somebody's always irate about something. But still, it got me thinking.

It's not really an age thing so much as an experience thing. Assuming people's love lives sorta match their chronological age, a person substantially older is substantially more experienced. And so can use that experience to seduce a less experienced person. In short, not a match of equals. Which is the core value behind both the statutory rape laws, and age of consent laws.

Would it apply to all cases, no. But it certainly applies to many.

 

[Farm Boy]

That expires young.

Very young.

 

[Birdjaguar]

That expires young.

Very young.

There are plenty of inexperienced people in their 20s or even early 30s.

 

[Farm Boy]

<shrug> Young is young. Old is old. How you get there I guess is up to you.

 

[EgonSpengler]

It's not really an age thing so much as an experience thing. Assuming people's love lives sorta match their chronological age, a person substantially older is substantially more experienced. And so can use that experience to seduce a less experienced person. In short, not a match of equals. Which is the core value behind both the statutory rape laws, and age of consent laws.

Would it apply to all cases, no. But it certainly applies to many.

Right, when we're talking about children, we need to be firm about it. I would probably object if someone tried to actually enforce this rule-of-thumb on an adult. For instance, knowing absolutely nothing about either Florence Pugh or Zach Braff, I off-handedly dismiss their critics as social media trolls who need to find a hobby, because regardless of the age difference, both actors are adults.