IdIOT: Shock and Terror

In light of my absence from this game and how the game is interesting I wish to declare I will be rejoining the game as a Bond style villain organization. I will set up a application later on.

Claiming French Southern and Antarctic Lands.
 
A PRE UPGRADE STORY, PART 1​
​

1 year ago
All of the SG members that were on the mission, but also including General Landry, were gathered in John Smith's office, who was actually the Doctor, a fact that is known by everyone already present in this top secret meeting.

"That was a great victory over the Space Jews" said Colonel Jack O' Neill.

"Yeah, I could not agree more" said the Doctor.

"Now what though?" asked the curious Εμυλία Λίμνη, or also known to the Anglo - Saxons as Amylia Pond, head of the fasion department of Zeus Systems and John Smith's right hand. "We can't just leave away and let Zeus System collapse under the power struggle."

"Yes, about that, I had a great idea actually. We should replace John Smith, who is actually myself but not replace myself if you understand me with a robot replica, as should happen with you and Rory. I mean, nothing can possibly go wrong, right? Anyway, I will assign this to one of the Torchwood scientists, as I must go and introduce SG - 1, Humanity's..."

"Spoilers!" interrupted a blonde woman with her voice from outside.

"Oh yes, you're right. Sorry for letting my excietement take hold over me. Anyway, as I was saying, me and SG1 will be leaving shortly with the TARDIS" said the Doctor.

"Wait!" said a voice from outside. A blonde janitor that was looking really tired entered through the door. "I kept looking and looking, but I could not find this "Hyrule" and scrub all of its floors...wait, who are these people?" he asked.

"Oh hey Rory, let me introduce you. This is the SG -1 team with Dr. Daniel Jackson, Dr. Samantha Carter, Colonel Jack O' Neill and also General Landry." said the Doctor as he introduced Rory.

"Why does everyone forget me? Is it because as an actor I do the "we are screwed" face best and as such need to be pissed off everytime?" Said the irritated Dr. Mckay.

"Oh yes, Dr. Mckay too." said the Doctor.

"Wait, I thought you did that thing where you did not know who you are and had a clock or something" said Rory, who was now confused because of back story that the reader does not know but must know in order to make sense out of something that does not have innate sense.

"No no no. Actually yes. Let me explain to you"

*Flashback ensues*

Spoiler :

"Enough!" said the Emperor as he interrupted McKay.

"Why do I always get interrupted in this epi..."

"Stop, you are only worsening our position." advised Jackson as he interrupted McKay. "Isn't this part of the previous episode that was copied over to give to the reader a sense of direction anyway?" asked the curious Jackson.

"ENOUGH WITH THE META CRAP!" Screamed in agony the reasders.

"Now, it is time for the Chosen People to advance once again the Lanteans!" said the Final Emperor Dovid. But, before he could do anything he was interrupted.

"Your most Final Emperor, I have urgent news for you. The humans in Japan have detected our presence through 4th grade psychic field interaction and have asked for a loan from us." said a rabbi.

"A...Loan?" asked the Emperor

"Yes sir" replied the rabbi

"Fine then, perhaps we do not need to spare military force for the conquest of Earth. Send them all the shekels that we can loan with an interest rate of 101% per Homo Sapiens time unit reffering to the completion of a cycle around the Sun of Earth, while I and a large part of my fleet will go and secure this... financial transaction between our establishments and the apes. Meanwhile, the human prisoners will be guarded closely" ordered the Emperor.

After all of this, SG1 was taken away to a dungeon that was surpisingly luxurious and well - decorated. After some time had passed and the numbers of the Space Jews in the spaceopolis began thinning down because of hard negotiations with the Japanese, the members of the team begun formulating plans for their escape.

"I believe that we should use the zetronic beam capacitator in order to induce a charged state of matter in the bars, effectively using their quantum refractive ability to cancel out the wave nature of the light in order to cause the stimulation of electrons in the outer orbits and as such effectively rendering the bars useless as they would have turned to plasma by this specific point in time which we are capable of calculating through our advanced Lantean tools that work through the process of..."

"Why can't we just shoot at them, like this?" said Jack O' Neill while interrupting Dr. Mckay and explaining through actions what he wanted to say, effectively destroying what was holding them back.

"I...I guess you could do that" said Dr. Mckay astounded at the lack of attention he received from all the other members of his team.

"Now what?" said Samantha Carter.

"We should head back to the Stargate while we can before the Final Emperor comes back and report to SGC" said Daniel Jackson. "Otherwise", he continued, "we risk exposure to the Space Jews."

As the team was running towards the Stargate room of this spaceopolis, they were soon caught and restricted to an area through an automated defense forcefield that prevented them from leaving. "Damn!" said Jack O' Neill. A monitor that was hovering above the ground was released from the roof and a man dressed in black with long hair appeared on it.

"Do you really think that we would have let you unguarded? You apes are even less intelligent than we thought." said the Space Jew from the monitor.

"Oh no" said Daniel Jackson. "Now what Deus Ex Machina might be devised in order to save us from a badly - written plot?"
 
Spoiler E.V.I.L logo :
LStReia.png


Name: Enlightened Vigilante Infiltration League

AKA: E.V.I.L

Organization: international terror cell

Authority: Dictator style! There is a council but it is mainly for failures to be “retired.”

Leader: Herrick De Venn: descendent of several American railway tycoon CEOs. Now leader of a terror group and CEO of War Dove Incorporated

Bond villain cat: Peril, a classic Bond villain Persian cat.

Right hand: Gregory Jans: a general with a lax attitude to war crimes.

Left hand: Elise Sutherland: a former spy for several now dead countries.

Central A.I: Cybernetic Advance Tactician or C.A.T

Spy Chief: Kwan Shi: skilled in the dark arts. Former library assistant.

Chief of Security: Megan Mortar: a sociopath determined to ensure all order is maintained.

Accountant: Thomas Howards: a banker wanted for stealing money from charities.

Chief of Propaganda: David Murdoch: think of him as the evil counterpart to IOT IX’s Victor Miles. Descended from a certain media empire family...

Head scientist: Doctor Anwer Ilic: wanted for making dirty bombs.

Diplomatic Face: Isaac Zupan: a former tour guild, now a diplomat for a terror group. How sweat!

General Security of Paperwork: Edgar Wilson: Stalinist that is plotting to take over the E.V.I.L.

Chief Janitor: John Smith. Scars come from cleaning all those traps, torture devices, punishments methods and Peril.

Political Ideology: Authoritarian.

Economic policy: E.V.I.L has some company fronts such as War Dove Industries and Diebond Incorporated in order to help generate revenue. Ideological it does not care for the struggles against socialism and capitalism but rather the profit that could come from the conflict.

Religion: the Cult of the E.V.I.L’s cat.

Aim: to take over the world of course!

Realistic aim: to have gained significant influence over world governments.

Sign up under overview for possible additional considerations.
 
I know German well enough to understand the movie and Calgori is actually right, some scenes are just not enjoyable. I can't imagine what a German goes through when watching Downfall parodies.
 
From the comments I've read they mute the sound and play the voices in their head.
 
The United Tribes and Boere of Southern Africa​

Claims:

Spoiler :
ZWJRKE8.png


Government: Democracy. Party in power is the Xhosa Freedom Front. Parliament is in dispute over legitimacy of XFF's cattle farming techniques. Other major parties include: Boere Front, Zulu Congress and Notsoracist Afrikaaner Alliance.

Currency: Cattle

OOC: Sorry it's so bare. More will be added this weekend.
 
UPDATE FIVE – 3005 A.D

STATS


Link to video.​

Spoiler :
zwwtmEc.png


The Ottomans Fall Once Again! Flames of War Burn Across the Mediterranean!

The Basil-Class Crisis continues as bloody fighting spreads across the Mediterranean. Now the DYOS Alliance and Elsweyr Sultanate have reinforced the Pony war effort, helping them hold the line. Thanks to a coordinated effort from anti-Soviet spies, the Basil’s lone warhead was sent directly to the sun after an extended gun, magic and fist fight in the control room. SET THE CONTROLS TO THE HEART OF THE SUN! …sorry.

Not everything went well for the anti-Soviet forces however. The soviets changed their strategies up, pulling soldiers from the Northern Front to perform a massive blitz on the Eastern Front. They overwhelmed even the excellent Pony tactics, causing the Coalition to call a general retreat into Eastern Turkey. However, Emperor Stooliman did not follow the Coalition’s advice. He led the New Ottoman forces in a suicide charge against the Soviet Jedi, and was slaughtered. With the death of the Emperor, the Soviets were allowed to run wild in the New Ottoman Empire, performing mass genocide on the sentient chairs. New Ottoman refugees have fled en-mass into Pony-controlled Turkey seeking asylum from the mad antics of the Soviets.

A Coalition Air Wing performed hit-and-run attacks on the Basil, using Abbot’s fleet of F-111Cs (which were bought with the money that could made the hospitals so good that nobody dies from accidents or make education so good that everyone have 200 IQ or something stupid and left wing like that) armed with Greek-seeking tactical kebabs, Elsweyr’s cloaking technologies, Jeruslaem’s Unicorn magic with Pegasai support and the Mystery Nation’s amazing gigantic flying bicycle. Due to clever manoeuvring, the Basil avoided major damage. However, they weren’t able to do much damage to the Coalition Air Wing either due to Coalition’s…unique technologies.

The war is changing the landscape on the home front of the many nations of the Coalition. Refugees fleeing from war-torn Turkey and the Balkans and are crossing the border into neutral Goomish Europe or trying to establish a new life for themselves on the Georgian Frontier. Meanwhile, the landscape is being transformed in Jerusalem, with major industries and cultural artefacts being removed from cities in case of WMD retaliation, while this has caused instability the country is now a lot less vulnerable to bombing runs. The Elsweyr Sultanate is obviously less worried about the threat as the Basil, as the Sultana has announced a new settlement program. They are also searching for what they have nicknamed “Black Gold”, after hearing a rumour that it goes exceptionally well with kipper and mustard sandwiches.

The countries of the DYOS Alliance have been effected less by the war. The Mystery Nation has started a propaganda campaign to try and bolster public support for the war and raise public opinion of their allies. Part of this endeavour involved a tour of Jerusalem by the Minister for Foreign Affairs and Bedazzlement, Mabel Pines. She has deemed Pony Architecture and culture “awesomely cute”. This has encouraged a trading boom between some members of the DYOS Alliance. Meanwhile, in Nova Terra the Imperator has requested further reinforcements from the homeland to combat the Communist menace. In related news, as part of their peace deal with the UKIPirates, the DYOS Alliance has gained access to new and powerful WMD technologies. Additionally, there are rumours Abbotsfordian scientists engineers people who build stuff are reaching completion on the mysterious PROJECT SMITH. Dark Lord Abbot, in an a confusing press statement, simultaneously denied the existence of the project while confirming that a prototype has been constructed and that mass production should begin in the end of the month.

-Casualties: USSR lost ten MIL, New Ottomans lost everything (four MIL) and Jersualem, Nova Terra, Abbotsford and Elsewyir lost one MIL each. The Coalition lost 8 MIL total.
-New Ottoman Empire is ded ;_;
-DYOS Alliance (Abbotsford, Nova Terra, Mystery Country) gains 1 ECO from increased trade.
-Abbotsford gains 2 MIL from PROJECT SMITH
-Mystery Country gains 1% stability from propaganda

Belorussia gets Anschluss’d!

Belorussia suffered the same fate as many nations who have the misfortune of being in Eastern Europe, they got sandwiched in between two hostile powers and then the country was divided in half by them. The Church of Goomy and the Psych Nation both attacked the Belorussian Republic. The Goomish forces encountered heavily casualties and took step loses. The story was very different on the Eastern Front as Shawn Spenser tricked the Byelorussians into thinking he had mind controlled them used his completely real psychic powers to dominate the Belorussian leadership into surrendering, which meant that the Psych nation suffered no casualties in this phase of the war. The nation was divided in half, even the capital city of Minsk was divided into East and West Minsk.

With the fertile lands of Belorussia in their hands, the economies of the Church of Goomy and the Psych Nation have boomed and have transformed the two nations into economic powerhouses. However, while the Belorussians may be happy with the situation they are in (no joke those people are weirdly happy no matter what situation they are in), they are also perfectly happy to strap themselves with bombs and walk into government buildings to free their homeland. New terrorist cells are being formed daily in the occupied territory. The Goomy-Pysch Alliance may have won the war, but the battle is far from over.

-Church of Goomy lost 7 MIL in the fighting, Psych lost none!
-Belorussia is ded ;_;
-Church of Goomy and Psych gain 9 ECO each
-Church of Goomy and Psych both lose 40% due to nationalist rebels

Vietnam may not have the Largest Army, or the Best Equipped. But they have the most Bloody Awesome Soldiers in the Whole Goddamned World

In the dead of the night, ten battalions of Vietnamese Marines touched down in Kyushu to damage the Japanese economy by blowing up as many things as they could. There was only one way to describe the landscape, it was hell. Lava flowed from every crevasse, sadistic death traps were hidden behind every corner and the entire populace were mindless zombies who were armed to the teeth. But these men and women weren’t scared, they had already had a taste of hell and that taste was called Vietnam. Besides, they were goddamned United States Marines, they ain’t scared of no psychic.

Soon the Japanese had them surrounded. Heavily outgunned, the enemies numbered in the tens of thousands and they were backed up by dozens of Giantesses. Shi was prepared for an attack. What she wasn’t prepared of was for the pure concentrated awesome that the Marines were packing. Somehow, don’t ask me how, the USV Marines managed not only to complete their mission, but they also crippled the Japanese military with their strike. Humiliatingly for the Japanese, they were barely able to inflict the most minor of casualties on the Vietnamese.

However, the USV may have misjudged how well defended the Japanese were. Shi has ordered everything to be invested into WMDs and the military. Well everything except the money she put aside for the Desu Space Agency, which is doing surprisingly well considering the state of Japan. Then again, with all this magic and futuristic technology floating about space programs are much better. They’ve already made an engine that can break the light barrier. Sorry, went off on a tangent there. Where was I…yes, with Empress Shi planning a retaliatory strike, will the Vietnamese be able to continue being awesome and hold the goddamned line? Or will the Japanese nukes be able to eclipse even the awesomeness of the United States of Vietnam?

-Vietnam Raided Japan, Japan lost 10 MIL and Vietnam lost 1 MIL.
-6 ECO was destroyed and Vietnam gained $3

His Farage's Ship Madagascar Takes Sail!

The former leaders of the UKIPirates have turned Madgascar into a giant pirate ship. The ship left “dock” just after the formal disbandment of the Condomium, with Britain now run by the moderate (compared to UKIP) Gordon Brown who promises to be as boring a leader as he can possibly be. Boreno has also been granted independence as well New Guinea, they opted to merge into one country called the Spartacus Union. They aim to end worldwide slavery, but first they have to become sufficiently mysterious, a process that is approximated to take 12 Centuries. So right now they are going to be a neutral power who is equally loyal to Abbot and Madagascar. Some islands have remained loyal to the old regime and have decided to remain as subordinates to Madagascar, which has won the Boats and Stuff’s prize for second most powerful boat in the world. Madagascar is now using their limited resources to produce lots of Islandmakers. Lanlubbers, quake at the majesty of His Farage's Ship Madagascar!

-Madagascar has stats 5/40/1 (ECO/MIL/POL) and produces an Islandmaker (WMD) per turn[
-New NPCs: Brown’s Britain and Spartacus Union

Tensions on the Mexico Border as War Happens in SPAAAAAAAAAACE!

The United Machina have dedicated most of their nation’s resources to the “Five Earth Years Economic Plan” to improve their economy which was damaged during the Upgrade of 3004. A major part of this plan was raiding Area 51 and the Cheyenne Bunker (the headquarters of Stargate) to recover the advanced technologies of Zeus Systems and Stargate Command. Area 51 was easy to take over, however due to sabotage of the base during the Upgrade of 3004, there was very little useful technology left over. The Cheyenne Bunker was much more difficult to take over represents the largest point of non-upgraded human resistance against the control of the Cybermen.

The Cybermen managed to take over the bunker and kill quite a few redshirts loyal to Stargate Command. However, the main cast of Stargate (that weren’t already flying around with the Doctor and his companions) were able to escape with a large amount of non-important members. They also destroyed the Dialing Computer so the Cybermen could not follow them to wherever they had run off to and a large amount of technology. Also some of the Redshirts managed to kill some unimportant Cybermen. Still, even this ruined technology was able to be used to revitalize the Machinian economy. The Cybermen have managed to take over every room of the base except for one, whenever they send a Cyberman in there they begin behaving erratically and must be deleted. According to base records, this room is where the “Imperial Sigil” was kept.

The Cybermen rebuilt the Dialing Computer and then used the Stargate to try and contact the greater Cyberman Collective. They managed to contact a realitvely small Lantean Cybermen Collective in the Pegasus Galaxy who informed the Earth Cybermen on the fate of the Cyberman Empire. Apparently the Empire has been destroyed by the numerous enemies of the Cybermen and the remnants have been left to wander the Universe, trying to recreate the Empire.

The Lantean Cybermen Collective has managed to contact the Earth Cybermen (duh) and a Cyberman Legion that is currently in the Milky Way Galaxy. The Cyberman Legion has just located the Nova Terra System and has destroyed some Nova Terran outposts. The Nova Terran army is preparing to defend their planet from the invasion, upon learning that Nova Terra has territories on Earth the Lantean Cybermen have demanded that the Earth Cybermen attack Nova Terra’s Earth territories. They have promised to provide the Earth Cybermen with occasional reinforcements and a devastating super weapon upon public declaration of war.

-United Machina gains 3 ECO and loses 1 MIL from raid on the Cheyenne Bunker
-The United Machina faces a UBER SUPER MEGA HYPER ULTRA CHOICE!!11!!one!! Will they declare war on Nova Terra and gain a superweapon or will they disobey the Lanteans?

Unexpected Religious Migration to Jerusalem

The Cult of Saber, led by Tambry and Rob, have decided to re-join civilization. Tambry reports that she has seen a vision of her goddess and she has been told that they must make a migration to Jerusalem. After a long, drawn out and widely publicised proselytising campaign that made maximum profit for the state, they boarded a plane for Jerusalem. Jerusalem has allowed the 300-or-so pilgrims access into their country as long as they do not proselytise their religion to the public, the Cult has agreed to these rules. The cult have set up a compound a few hours outside of the newly-reconstructed Jerusalem and so far they have not left the compound. Who knows what they will do next?

-Mystery Nation gets $10 from squeezing money out of the event
-Jerusalem gets 1 ECO from immigration

New Nations and NGOs Rise out of the Ashes

New nations and NGOs have been created. Out of the ashes of the Jewish bombardment of South Africa, the South Africans have formed a new country. Meanwhile, in the French Antarctic Territories, the Enlightened Vigilante Infiltration League has set up shop and has begun to plot to take over the world. Also, Tet Corporation buildings have mysteriously appeared in various countries around the globe, using their stealth submarines to conduct international transactions.

Space Jews Go Home

The Space Jews, after getting their asses handed to them by SG1 and not being able to sell a single loan, have decided to secretly control the Earth using the stock market top shekels make sure the goyim don’t see this part leave Earth in peace. As such the Space Jews have decided to sell off all of their lands to the highest bidder after strip-mining those areas.

-Space Jew Loans are now Unavailable!
-The highest bidder will get the Jew’s lands

GM Notes:

1 – Most importantly: If you had a bad event this turn that means you are doing really well and that means you need to be challenged lest you rolfstomp all the other players. You will probably make it through my challenges unless you do something extraordinarily stupid.

2 – Polyblank can start building WMDs this turn if he accepts the Lanteans’ offer and declares war on Nova Terra.

3 – Stats are now 100% less ugly now I’ve actually worked out how to use Google Spreadsheets so that’s a plus.

I think that’s everything. Enjoy everyone!
 
From: United Manchinia
To: Nova Terra

This is the Age of Electronic Circuitry and we are its creators. However, you are alien elements. You are incompatible. You will be deleted. You are inferior. Planet Earth will be reborn as a Homo Sapiens and affiliated creatures planet, but you will perish under maximum deletion. DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
 
Oh yeah just as an aside, the war in space is determined entirely by how the war is going on Earth unless I say otherwise. Yeah.
 
In Memory of Lah McGuineas, Who is now dead and meh who really gives a damn he wasn't a TRUE BRITISHER, we hereby open the Lah McGuineas International Sewage Clearing Station.

We also announce a NEW COURSE for our nation:
Anyone who requests our help can receive it.
 
E.V.I.L will like to publicy request to all nations who desire the possibility of us opening Diebond stores in your cities. These stores will sell diamonds, military weapons hunting aid, foodstuff including horse beef lasagna, shirts, publications and allowance of store chains to use our mega stores. Consider for mega benefit!
 
Stop calling it the DYOS Alliance pleaseandthankyou
 

Polyblank said:
From: United Manchinia
To: Nova Terra

This is the Age of Electronic Circuitry and we are its creators. However, you are alien elements. You are incompatible. You will be deleted. You are inferior. Planet Earth will be reborn as a Homo Sapiens and affiliated creatures planet, but you will perish under maximum deletion. DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
Click to expand...

From: Nova Terra
To: United Machinia

MweK6H2.png

You dare threaten us with elimination!? You dare call the Nationalist Nova Terrians aliens and inferior?! I have you know that we were originally Earthlings! The Nationalists will not be pushed around like you did with the Corporate Alliane. I can't believe the audacity your nation has pulled in this crisis that the entire world is going through. I guess during your total cyberization, they've forgot to install a common sense module in your noggins. Perhaps DELETEed your common sense files from your cyberized brains.

It's no surprise to me that you've showed your true intentions and broken the non-aggression pact that was established by the Zeus Systems. Today, You've awoken the sleeping giant.
 
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