Finding a partner is right now the top priority in my life. Everything else is going fine, just not this, and I see my midlife crisis taking form, so... I thought I might as well pump money in it (since I can) and see if it works. Nearly 200€ later it seems it really does not. Lesson learned.
This was in my morning paper today. Bolding mine.
How are couples going to meet in a post-dating app universe?
BY NAFEES ALAM INSIDESOURCES.COM
Gatekeeping, breadcrumbing and gaslighting for profit. “Let’s start a business that depends on maximal registered users for profits and create a product so effective that the number of users declines along with profits,” said no one ever. It’s a mystery why the general public is appalled at Bumble’s latest marketing gaffe and shocked at Hinge for hiding algorithmic soulmates from users to maintain maximal registered users. To quote the late Charlie Munger, “Show me the incentive, and I’ll show you the outcome.” What incentive do dating apps have to match you with your algorithmic soulmate? What would happen if dating apps matched every user with their perfect match?
The answer is simple: Dating apps would cease to exist because they would no longer be necessary. Dating apps are incentivized to keep you from finding your algorithmic soulmate, giving you mediocre matches now and then to keep you coming back, banking on you believing that the next swipe will be the swipe that changes your life, and blaming you for not upgrading to a premium membership because that’s how you show that you’re truly serious about finding love. When the incentive for dating apps is to keep you from finding your algorithmic soulmate, the outcome will be just that: a worsening national loneliness epidemic after the decades-long outsourcing of romantic pursuits into online platforms for most of the American population.
From the 1950s to the 1980s, most couples met through friends and family, at various stages of schooling, or at work or bars. Since the 1980s, more and more couples have been meeting online, taking over as the top meeting method for couples in the 2010s, now comprising 50% to 70% of how couples meet in the 2020s.
We’re focusing on the wrong thing. The question isn’t whether dating apps can be revived but rather if dating can be revived when the overwhelming majority of new couples meet online while online dating collapses. Have we outsourced our romantic pursuits into utter dependence?
We’re already starting to see signs of population decline through declining birth and marriage rates coinciding with the growing loneliness epidemic. Artificial Intelligence threatens to satisfy every romantic urge, from emotional connections to sexual experiences. Social media trends of women choosing bears over men and men choosing trees over women contaminate what remains of romantic hopefuls.
With online dating being the prominent meeting ground for new couples, what happens when online dating is no more? While a degree in business or marketing would be nice, and experience in business or marketing even better, neither is necessary in applying common sense. Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, etc. are businesses. The primary focus of any business is to be profitable. When a business is maximally profitable with maximal registered users, why would it work itself out of users and profits? Why would a business work so well that it loses users and profits?
Quite frankly, I’m surprised that the general public is surprised. Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, etc., are not in the business of helping you find your algorithmic soulmate. Quite the contrary, dating apps are in the business of learning the qualities you seek in a perfect match and then keeping that match from you so that you continue using these apps. If dating apps worked, you would delete them because they’ve worked and you’ve found your algorithmic soulmate. In the social sciences, we call this “gatekeeping,” preventing connections for ulterior motives. “Breadcrumbing” is doing just enough to maintain interest, nothing more. “Gaslighting” is the process of mental manipulation through deceit. The motivation for gatekeeping, breadcrumbing and gaslighting for dating apps is common sense: a profitable business.
Over the last few decades, dating apps have become experts at gatekeeping you from your perfect match while breadcrumbing you with mediocre matches to keep you hooked. Then they gaslight you into thinking that you are the problem for not getting your perfect match because you haven’t upgraded to a premium membership.
The business model of dating apps depends on the maximal number of registered users. Why would they act against their interests by connecting you with your perfect match and have you delete these apps? It’s common sense. With 50% to 70% of new couples meeting online amid a growing divide between men and women while Artificial Intelligence lurks in the background as an alternative romance, it may be valid to ask if the impending collapse of dating apps could mean the collapse of dating altogether.
Nafees Alam is a professor in social work at Boise (Idaho) State University.
